Funny Quotes · Page 71

What is not ex-pressed is de-pressed.

— Mark Nepo

The best things can't be told,

— Heinrich Zimmer

This Coke tastes weird without Whiskey.

— Green Monk

As the family goes, so goes society.

— Jean Charest

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.

— Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

How much pleasure can you stand?

— Richard Bandler

Be ruthless about protecting writing days.

— J. K. Rowling

Entrepreneurialism is supposed to be fun!

— Lori Greiner

I was always interested in movies the way everyone is interested. That is, I liked to go to the movies

— Ethan Coen

I hate when there's no more toilet paper and I have to bother the person in the next stall to help wipe…

— Nikhil Saluja

If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.

— Proverbs 27:14

I identify more with women than with men. I guess I have a strong feminine side.

— Lenny Kravitz

Magellan went around the world in 1521, which is not too many strokes when you consider the distance.

— Joe Laurie Jr

Im gonna go take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.

— Anonymous

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

— Mitch Hedberg

I agree with the dictionary..Girls before guys,partying before studying,and friends before love!!

— Anonymous

I've never found kicks to the groin particularly funny, although recent work in the genre of the buddy movie suggests audience research…

— Roger Ebert

I find it funny how at British festivals there are such inflated egos. It's rare that I even talk to anyone at…

— Ben Howard

People always ask about my dad and his comedic influence. It's funny because my mom is really the comedian of our household.

— Dan Levy

“There was a group of fans who wanted autographs, and several women who managed to write their phone numbers on Wade's hand…

— Jill Shalvis

To me, crying is not a sign of weakness. She wants it that bad and she puts her whole heart into it.…

— Kerri Walsh

Q: What's your opinion on long distance relationships? A: Honestly, I know a lot of the time they don't really work out…

— Anonymous

The heroines in 'That's What She Said' are flawed, messy, damaged, hilarious and culpable and not really concerned about being acceptable to…

— Carrie Preston

I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar.…

— Demetri Martin

Listen with your gut, not your head.

— Sanford Meisner

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

— Nikhil Saluja

There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.

— Jerry Coleman

You cant be controlling in improv.

— Matt Walsh

My work is loving the world.

— Mary Oliver

We can act instead of being acted upon.

— Stephen Covey

I'm not very funny at all in real life.

— Julian Barratt

I would just love to have gone and stood in the Kop.

— Kenny Dalglish

You'll see more with your eyes closed.

— Lulu

I can literally hear you getting fatter.

— Cody Rhodes

“Joyi Kisanmurari ni smartness?”

— Jay Vasavada

Ladies pick funny things to be proud of.

— Harper Lee

Better to die as a man, than to live as a pussy.

— Nikhil Saluja

A place isn't a place until it has a bookstore.

— Gabrielle Zevin

We should all be like pandas..black, white, and Asian

— Hunter Finley

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

— Green Monk