Fran Lebowitz

Why not have your first baby at sixty, when your husband is already dead and your career is over? Then you can…

— Fran Lebowitz

I've never had the experience of being edited and never will.

— Fran Lebowitz

I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response.

— Fran Lebowitz

Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people.

— Fran Lebowitz

“lack, or loutish and crass kollective is a program dedicated to the proposition that vulgarity and bad taste are an inalienable right.…

— Fran Lebowitz

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

— Fran Lebowitz

[Friendships] are easy to get out of compared to love affairs, but they are not easy to get out of compared to,…

— Fran Lebowitz

Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.

— Fran Lebowitz

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer -- not a book.

— Fran Lebowitz

When it comes to sports I am not particularly interested. Generally speaking, I look upon them as dangerous and tiring activities performed…

— Fran Lebowitz

The first time I ever saw platform shoes in the '70s, I knew they'd been revived from the '40s, and I felt…

— Fran Lebowitz

Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?"…

— Fran Lebowitz

I do not think everyone is created equal. In fact, I know they're not. [The Constitution] means that everyone should have the…

— Fran Lebowitz

When I fly, I'm never afraid the plane is going to crash. But there have often been times when I was afraid…

— Fran Lebowitz

Smoking is, if not my life, then at least my hobby. I love to smoke. Smoking is fun. Smoking is cool. Smoking…

— Fran Lebowitz

Will power is not telling anybody you quit smoking.

— Fran Lebowitz

for someone such as myself, who is kind of feckless and immature, it's better to have rich friends than to be rich…

— Fran Lebowitz

When I'm supposed to be writing I clean my apartment, take my clothes to the laundry, get organized, make lists, do the…

— Fran Lebowitz

Writers get exactly the right amount of fame: just enough to get a good table in a restaurant but not enough so…

— Fran Lebowitz

I write so slowly, I could write with my own blood and not hurt myself.

— Fran Lebowitz

[On the writers she admires:] I prefer dead writers, because I don't see them at parties.

— Fran Lebowitz

All of television's appalling, but this is hardly a new statement.

— Fran Lebowitz

Communism requires of its adherents that they arise early and participate in a strenuous round of calisthenics. To someone who wishes that…

— Fran Lebowitz

The French probably invented the very notion of discretion. It's not that they feel that what you don't know won't hurt you;…

— Fran Lebowitz

I am not personally a parent. But I do have two godchildren and am expecting a third. I am naturally concerned for…

— Fran Lebowitz