Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
There are certain relationships I think I'm great at: I'm the world's greatest daughter. I'm a great relative. I believe I'm a… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Do not elicit your child's political opinions. He doesn't know any more than you do. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?"… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Being poor is like being a child. Being rich is like being an adult: you get to do whatever you want. Everyone… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Anti-smoking sentiment has replaced middle-class morality entirely. The smoker has taken the place of the homosexual. Today you hear people say things… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Take away a man's actual sense of manhood - which is conventionally based on the ability to work, to earn money, to… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
“To me, nothing can be more important than giving children books, It's better to be giving books to children than drug treatment… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Children are rarely in the position to lend one a truly interesting sum of money. There are, however, exceptions, and such children… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Ever since I was a little child, I refused to see movies of books that I loved. Because you already know what… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
No one's supposed to be the president. This is not England. And it's not just the Bush family, all families designate each… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Smoking is, as far as I am concerned, the entire point of being an adult. Many people find smoking objectionable. I myself… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Until I was about 7, I thought books were just there, like trees. When I learned that people actually wrote them, I… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
People are constantly telling me, whether they are friends who feel sorry for me, because I can't find a place to live,… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
I used to love to write. As a child I used to write all the time. I loved to write up until… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Children do not really need money. After all, they don't have to pay rent or send mailgrams. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Children are much less annoying [than adults] and they never start trends. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
If you don't have children and you don't have a job, you have time for friendship ... People who have jobs are… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in mood, children will persist in discussing the color of a recently sighted cement-mixer long after one's… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Do not have your child's hair cut by a real hairdresser in a real hairdressing salon. He is, at this point, far… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
[Children are] like talking animals. Their consciousness is so different from ours that they constitute a different species. They don't have to… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
One of the biggest changes in my lifetime, is the phenomenon of men wearing shorts. Men never wore shorts when I was… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Why not have your first baby at sixty, when your husband is already dead and your career is over? Then you can really devote… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
“lack, or loutish and crass kollective is a program dedicated to the proposition that vulgarity and bad taste are an inalienable right. the lackies,… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
[Friendships] are easy to get out of compared to love affairs, but they are not easy to get out of compared to, say, jail. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
When it comes to sports I am not particularly interested. Generally speaking, I look upon them as dangerous and tiring activities performed by people… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
The first time I ever saw platform shoes in the '70s, I knew they'd been revived from the '40s, and I felt sickened. And… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image