I always thought it made more sense to pour Gatorade on the losing coach. — Typical Me Copy Share Image
Happy Canada Day to the people who sell me inexpensive sexual enhancement drugs online. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The planet Saturn = 7 rings. Jordan = 6 rings. Kobe = 5 rings. LeBron…just a headband. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We are here for experience, and experience is a preparation to know the Truth when we meet it. — Henry Ford Copy Share Image
If I gained a calorie for every time I thought of food, I'd be the size of a blue whale. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's now come out just before his record-breaking 100-meter dash, gold medalist Usain Bolt ate at McDonald's. Apparently he timed his meal… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
When I was in New York, I got to see Joan Rivers do an hour of material, and it blew my mind.… — Chelsea Peretti Copy Share Image
Gas so high...im just start dating females in my zip code...so if we dont stay in the same zip code...we gotta long… — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
I don't know where we're going or how we'll get there, but when we get there we'll be there - and that's… — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
Billy is a funny, cheeky, lovely boy and I love being with him. Parenthood is terrifying though. I can barely walk past… — Rufus Sewell Copy Share Image
Whenever I see my cat staring out the window I sit behind him and whisper, look Simba, everything the light touches is… — Alex Telman Copy Share Image
“As is perhaps obvious, Morris Zapp had no great esteem for his fellow-labourers in the vineyards of literature. They seemed to him… — David Lodge Copy Share Image
I never know when I am being funny, and the other way too. I don't think you can think about that. I… — Christopher Walken Copy Share Image
