Funny Quotes · Page 153

To be a human is to be destroyed.

— Soe Hok Gie

To say that which is instructive and also pleasing.

— John Heywood

In communication, you get back what you send out.

— Marshall Sylver

You adapt yourself to the contents of the paintbox.

— Paul Klee

The less I say the more my work gets done.

— Elton John

Future medicine will be the medicine of frequencies.

— Albert Einstein

“Behind every successful woman, there's a big prick.”

— James Patterson

He who knows about depth knows about God.

— Paul Tillich

I wonder if kids in China ever look at their happy meal toys & go

— Nicole Sider

Ofcourse gay men dress well... They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing

— Nikhil Saluja

Not everyone is going to like you and you are not going to like everyone.

— Nikhil Saluja

Eating pumpkin cheesecake is like getting a blowjob from a vagina.

— Green Monk

You don’t have to have a boyfriend to be happy, to be pretty, or belong.

— Louise Brealey

Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.

— Bill Bailey

Savor what you are and not what everyone else wants you to be.

— Sandra Bullock

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

— Jimmy Carr

I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on…

— Daniel Tosh

Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if," so you haven't established or…

— Tim Allen

If one official signals Falcons ball and Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson signals Seahawks ball, is it a jump ball?

— Norman Chad

Whenever I delete an app from my iPhone, the shaking icons make me think they're panicked over who's being cut from the…

— Anas

As long as you're excited about what you're playing, and as long as it comes from your heart, it's going to be…

— John Frusciante

If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you…

— Judah Friedlander

Height of Corporate Pressure: A COMPANY employee went to TOILET. As soon as he sat on the seat,On the front wall this…

— Anonymous

“Jared was completely gone now, holding his stomach and laughing so hard that tears were running down his face. Matt turned on…

— Marie Sexton

Having a solo career is a funny thing.

— Daryl Hall

Control yourself. You'll spurt.

— John Lennon

There is, they say, no fool like an old fool.

— William Golding

True adventure begins when everything goes wrong.

— Yvon Chouinard

What's wrong with transforming food?

— Ferran Adria

I haven't decided when I'll get married,

— Ranbir Kapoor

Good luck finding shameful entry-level employment.

— Anonymous

I'm very reluctant to put my words into God's mouth.

— Jon Foreman

Terrorists got 99 problems and their Allah is one.

— Green Monk

And Johnny Manziel is only in a snickers commercial.

— Joe Buck

A good social media for our military: About-Facebook.

— Laura S

This is getting funny, but there ain't nobody laughing.

— Waylon Jennings

Truth is the easiest thing to sell.

— Daymond John

Your patience will be rewarded.

— Alton Brown

If it ain't tubes, we don't do it.

— Richard Smalley

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

— Nikhil Saluja