I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I actually was a writer who had the ability to perform his own work as opposed to a comedian who wrote his… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In my fifth-grade yearbook - it's right up there on the top shell - the last page says, "What about your future?"… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I set out to become a comedian, and I said in order to do that the first thing I'll do is become… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
What I became a comedian for was to get my art out. To get some of these feelings and things I had… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you start in the childhood period, when you begin to form a comic sense, it was the radio comedians - from… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
