The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
As a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal - in all of those areas, I am looking forward… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The real focus at first is to just become a good stand-up comedian, and then when you get to a certain level,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
My life was typical. I played a little Little League baseball. I never wanted for food. I always had shoes. I had… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
