“I want to write a book called “Conversations.” Of course, it’s all talk at this point.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The phone book shouldn’t be arranged alphabetically, but by height. Guess how tall my love for you is. That’s right—taller than Goliath!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can believe history books when they tell you when wars were fought. You just can’t trust them as to why.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Last night I read two books back to back. Tonight I’ll probably read both of those books’ front covers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I can’t write I read. When I can’t read I sleep. And when I can’t sleep I write.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I enjoy reading books by way of subtitles from the movies they got made into.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were a cop, and I caught a criminal, I’d throw the book at them. A heavy book, like an unabridged… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I plan on leaving my mark on this world, in ink, with a pen spill that’ll make all the oil spills combined… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras," which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can’t write with dry ink. Likewise, using another author’s dried words to make your writing more fluid is not only dishonest,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time I saw love was in my imagination while reading a book on Thomas Jefferson. Isn’t the Constitution of the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Your writing can be chosen by one publisher and hated by all readers, or it can be rejected by one publisher and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called, “Son, I’m dying,” where I visualize the day my estranged dad calls me out of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A book on war is useful, but it’d be even more useful if it could shoot bullets. Or stop them. Or stop… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I read trash. Empty cereal boxes, empty shampoo bottles, the bottoms of empty Kleenex boxes, and occasionally even a mystical self-help book.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The worst book I’ve ever read is “Ulysses,” by Joyce, because like my undergraduate college degree, that’s nine and a half years… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You told me you circled three words in three books scattered in the Library of Alexandria,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can read people like an open book, especially if their named Braille, and I’m in a touchy-feely mood.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My book is awful,” I said. “Nonsense,” Dora J. Arod said. “Your book is nonsense.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My book is a light read. Seriously, it probably weighs 3.33 ounces. That’s pretty impressive, considering it’s an ebook.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One of my hobbies is reading finance and economic books—at the strip club, where I “invest” my money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My favorite smells are freshly baked bread, the pages of an old book, and they way my boss’ ass smells when he’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The judge said he was going to throw the book at me. I hoped it was an ebook in the cloud, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Pluto will always be a planet in my book. That’s because my book was published before Pluto was blacklisted by planetary scientists.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“All books are coloring books, if you are in possession of a childlike imagination, and a box of markers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hope you enjoy reading my book as much as I didn’t enjoy writing it. Just kidding! I hope you don’t enjoy… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For my books, I do everything short of writing my own reviews. Those I do tall.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Rather than dirt, I’d rather push a wheelbarrow full of books. Dirty books.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My TV’s remote control didn’t have a source of energy, so I poured coffee in it. Now I can read any book… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I prefer physical books to eBooks, because an eBook can’t be the solution to a wobbly chair like a real book can.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m an open book—an open book I’m still writing and editing. My book is a romance novel, sort of like The Secret.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A writer edits his thoughts more thoroughly the more readers he has. You can tell I only have two readers, myself included.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Books allow you to take flight, unlike the chicken wings I stapled to my back before eating them.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won't read a book whose pages have been dog-eared, because I'm more of a cat person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Art books are filled with interesting images. And that’s cool and all, but I look more for the nudes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love, I wrote the book on it. Unfortunately, nobody would publish it, so I felt compelled to burn my manuscript.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
