“When had his life turned into a porn version of a James Bond movie?” — Carla Swafford Copy Share Image
“There’s pretty much no way for me to answer that without sounding like an asshole, so maybe you could do me a… — Alex Potvin Copy Share Image
A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death. — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
There is no rustic so rude but that, if he dreams or fancies anything, it must be the whisper of the Holy… — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too. — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and yet I can't find a decent relationship. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Never mind what God is doing. What are you doing? That's called interspection.” — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“you guys all suck you know that?" Meagan shouted, flinging open the door of the shed. Finn dropped his paintbrush on the… — Kate Brian Copy Share Image
“In between bites of banana, Mr. Remora would tell stories, and the children would write the stories down in notebooks, and every… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
“The Czechs are downright crazy about mushrooms! In late summer and autumn, a foreigner might even get the impression that the number… — Terje B. Englund Copy Share Image
“First of all, he asked Miss Lucas. I was so vexed to see him stand up with her! But, however, he did… — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
I went to art school for fine art and then I started doing performance art, and then I started making fun of… — Mary Lynn Rajskub Copy Share Image
“Charlotte Stokehurst,” Violet Bridgerton announced, “is getting married.” “Today?” Hyacinth queried, taking off her gloves. Her mother gave her a look. “She… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
“Don't worry about it. If I'm wrong, Security is monitoring me every second." "That just means they'll know who to charge with… — Mike Resnick Copy Share Image
“Jason and Ferrin turned. Aram, face shiny with sweat, pulled a small pair of pants over his skinny legs. His shrunken hands… — Brandon Mull Copy Share Image
Doing comedy around the world is a way of finding out how people tick. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
