“Toddlers, on the other hand, are able to wreak havoc vertically and with velociraptor-like speed.” — Mike Spohr Copy Share Image
When I tell a joke, I don't think about who's listening to it. I tell the jokes I think are funny. — Lee Mack Copy Share Image
Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude? — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
Adult Swim has cornered this really cool market, especially for comedy shows. — Paul Scheer Copy Share Image
I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“The first rule of book club - is that nobody wants to talk about book club.” — Douglas Lewis Copy Share Image
Comedy is not supposed to be funny. Its supposed to tell the truth and then that's funny. — Paula Patton Copy Share Image
If health and a fair day smile upon me, I am a very good fellow; if a corn trouble my toe, I… — Michel de Montaigne Copy Share Image
There is certainly no defence or water -proof garment against adverse fortune which is, on the whole, so effectual as an habitual… — Thomas Wentworth Higginson Copy Share Image
“Each party has a platform--a pre-fixed menu of beliefs making up its worldview. The candidate can choose one of the two platforms,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I didn't see much besides Melbourne and a quick trip down to the Twelve Apostles, but all the Aussies I encountered were… — Jim Goad Copy Share Image
Whenever I catch a chunk of an Adam Sandler comedy on cable, it looks as badly shot and goofily tossed off as… — James Wolcott Copy Share Image
An early editor characterized my books as 'romantic comedy for intelligent adults.' I think people see them as funny but kind. I… — Elinor Lipman Copy Share Image
“Why do you always refer to vehicles as she? Because they can be temperamental and expensive and sometimes difficult to start, but… — Beverly Long Copy Share Image
As we're staggering out of the hospital, I don't remember doing this because I was still high, but apparently I turned to… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has… — John Kenneth Galbraith Copy Share Image
“The sight of her made him understand why he'd lost his faith in God.” — Sarah Langan Copy Share Image
“A stóirín, ya are a handful of trouble, but I kind of like it.” — Michelle M. Pillow Copy Share Image
What we may think is funny or cute may end up being powerfully hurtful. — Barack Obama Copy Share Image
Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it. — Langston Hughes Copy Share Image
