Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
“Never judge a person until you've walked a mile in their yoga pants.” — KariAnne Wood Copy Share Image
“Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side of the fence because that's where your neighbor's leaky septic tank is buried.” — Dakboy Copy Share Image
There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
“You know, the first two, I probably should've seen coming. The leprechaun costume? Not so much.” — Rich Burlew Copy Share Image
“My most insightful comments have been forgotten while letting a whining dog out the door.” — Jael Turner Copy Share Image
The inability to forget is far more devastating than the inability to remember. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life? — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
“Tennessee Williams choked to death on the plastic cap of a nasal spray.” — David Markson Copy Share Image
“Helen ran off with a lover only once in her life herself, and for three thousand years nobody would ever let her… — David Markson Copy Share Image
If you look at the game and everything, it's not quite like looking at an animated film, because that's total character. This,… — Don Bluth Copy Share Image
“Ever heard of knocking, asshole?" I spat, not bothering to look at him. "Ever heard of locking the door, whore?" Turning, I… — Sadie Grubor Copy Share Image
“Sean: 'People stop giving a shit about what you do with your life after college,' Leon: 'I’m pretty sure nobody gave a… — Patrick Anderson Jr Copy Share Image
I like it when you reach into a vending machine to grab your candy bar, and that flap goes up to block… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“But if you eat this chap who's God,' said Llewelyn stoutly, 'how can it be horrible? If it's alright to eat God… — Anthony Burgess Copy Share Image
Depending on where my self-confidence was, growing up, I would use humor either to bring people closer, or to keep them away… — Zach Anner Copy Share Image
Looking back, I remember my family laughing a lot. We were never the kind of people that dwelled on hard times. My… — Cristela Alonzo Copy Share Image
It's extraordinary to hear waves of laughter after you've been playing something, night after night, to nothing. That's why I'm still hooked… — Eileen Atkins Copy Share Image
Don't ever lose that innocent laughter, don't let time take that away — John Mellencamp Copy Share Image
