There's something strange about comedy requests. I guess if you enjoy something, why not hear it again? But there's something weird about… — Paul F. Tompkins Copy Share Image
Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“Been around a lot of psychos in my lifetime and have come to the realization...that most of them work in Washington and that… — Timothy Pina Copy Share Image
“...My friend Bo had just finished skinny-dipping when one of those bastards came trotting out of the woods and bit his dick… — Nick Wilgus Copy Share Image
“[Phoebe Broome] 'Well,' she said at last. 'You've now met my father. At his worst.' [Lord Vladimir] 'Being myself widely considered my… — Alison Sinclair Copy Share Image
“Then one last thought tugs at me, so I turn back. "So why did you name me Tamsin?" I ask. "You always… — Carolyn MacCullough Copy Share Image
“For the record, I would like to point out that it is NOT being obsessive to memorize a boy's schedule so that… — Jess Rothenberg Copy Share Image
“Sometimes, how others look at it must not be how you should see it! Sometimes, how it means to others must not… — Ernest Agyemang Yeboah Copy Share Image
“She was so young how could she understand… Exactly how young was she Matthew’s mouth went dry. “Dearest how old are you… — Lydia Dare Copy Share Image
“Lesly: I don't think you're insane. Jackie-O: You don't? Lesly: No. Jackie-O: You don't think I'm an eensie weensie bit insane? Lesly:… — Wendy Macleod Copy Share Image
“Come on, there's no one there. You want coffee?" Tess asked. "Yeah, sure, why not? I'm only on the brink of a… — Frankie Rose Copy Share Image
“I naively believe that self-love is 80 percent of the solution, that it helps beyond words to take yourself through the day… — Anne Lamott Copy Share Image
The staff at Buckingham Palace are amazing. They are so quintessentially British in their comedy. Like sort of going 'Welcome to the… — Sam Ryder Copy Share Image
“Such frankness, even over good tidings, was a further offense to Mr. Fremlin. He felt that it was casual and indecent. Like… — Dennis Parry Copy Share Image
People want to complain... my point especially when it comes to racial humor is... we have that diversity, so I don't look… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
“The ultimate downfall of the computerized holographic receptionist was that there was no amount of flattery, flirtation or chocolate that could convince… — Scott B. Pruden Copy Share Image
“Is it not the singularity of life that terrifies us? Is not the decisive difference between comedy and tragedy that tragedy denies… — John Updike Copy Share Image
Without thinking, [Will] spoke. 'Halt? Are you awake?' 'No.' The ill humor in the one-word reply was unmistakable. 'Oh. Sorry.' 'Shut up.'… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
The most impersonal seeming audiences eventually just say such intimate, smart, wise, amazing, totally surprising, funny things. It's empowering, in the sense… — Gloria Steinem Copy Share Image
As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
I figured if I could put together being funny about stuff and actual events, maybe I could do something that wasn't being… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“I struggled for something to cling to, the way soldiers in foxholes picture their families, or a flag. My car, I thought… — David Wong Copy Share Image
Quite often, intent on conveying how things can go wrong for a culture (science fiction) or an individual (horror) or all of… — Paul Di Filippo Copy Share Image
We waited for Congress to act. They couldn't act on the issue. So I just went ahead and signed an executive order… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“...we've already had one horrible thing happen today, which means that if you think about it the odds of anything else horrible… — Joshua Donellan Copy Share Image
“Bashere shrugged, grinning brhind his grey-streaked moustaches, "When I first slept in a saddle, Muad Cheade was Marshal-General. The man was as… — Robert Jordan Copy Share Image
“Dressing, I chose the second shirt, the one softened in the mouth of a trained and perfumed albino hippopotamus and made entirely… — Nick Harkaway Copy Share Image
“... you've experienced the single scene out there - it's blood test and background checks and references and 'Please pee in this… — Katie MacAlister Copy Share Image
“True. The planets are in a formation, a pentagram. It's as if they were pulled together on purpose." "Maybe they were. Where… — Katie Mattie Copy Share Image
Situation comedy on television has thrived for years on 'canned' laughter, grafted by gaglines by technicians using records of guffawing audiences that… — Russell Baker Copy Share Image
I probably wouldn't have pursued comedy further if my friends didn't tell me that my getting kicked off the stage was the… — Jermaine Fowler Copy Share Image
“None of the etiquette books he studied addressed this situation. Maybe he could write one: How to Behave When the Girl You… — Elisabeth Brown Copy Share Image
“I object! What? Bugger, was that acting? Is not courtroom, Katya. Shut up! I'm not good at having two conversations at once.… — joss whedon Copy Share Image
Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration,… — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
“Religious ceremonies are of paramount importance in Bali ( an island, don't forget, with seven unpredictable volcanoes on it-you would pray, too).” — Elizabeth Gilbert Copy Share Image
“Colt, you’re a cop. I’m fairly certain you realize what you are proposing is illegal. As in bigamy.” He laughed. “You don’t… — Mari Carr Copy Share Image
“Braith turned and saw three of her cousins sunning themselves on boulders. Like lizards. Lizards in human form. “What are you doing?”… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
There are very few topics where I can imagine that you might not find humor. And I was stunned at how much… — Peter Hedges Copy Share Image
God does not love us because we are lovable, have a pleasing personality or a good sense of humor, or at rare… — David B. Haight Copy Share Image
I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
![“[Phoebe Broome] 'Well,' she said at last. 'You've now met my father. At his worst.' [Lord Vladimir] 'Being myself widely considered my family's most difficult member, I would not presume to comment.' 'That is... gentlemanly of you.” quote by Alison Sinclair](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/c17/alison-sinclair-75635_black-sheep_phoebe-broome-well-she-said-at-last-you_1399420.jpg)
![“Without thinking, [Will] spoke. 'Halt? Are you awake?' 'No.' The ill humor in the one-word reply was unmistakable. 'Oh. Sorry.' 'Shut up.' He pondered whether to apologize again and decided this would go against the instruction to shut up, so remained silent.” quote by John Flanagan](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/71a/john-flanagan-904_apologizing_without-thinking-will-spoke-halt-are-you_2863328.png)
![“We waited for Congress to act. They couldn't act on the issue. So I just went ahead and signed an executive order which will unleash - [applause] - which says the federal agencies will not discriminate against faith-based programs. They ought to welcome the armies of compassion as opposed to…” quote by George W. Bush](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/56a/george-w-bush-64_agency_we-waited-for-congress-to-act-they-could_2433199.jpg)
