My administration has been calling upon all the leaders in the - in the Middle East to do everything they can to… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
“Julian tried to keep a pleasant smile on his face, though already it felt strained. He was uncomfortable with people who used… — Bentley Little Copy Share Image
'Funny People' is my favorite performance of myself to date. Even though it's a comedy and there are serious moments, I really… — Jonah Hill Copy Share Image
“I can't take a dick-measuring contest." . . . "I know Meshack has a big one. And from what I've felt, Zulu… — Kenya Wright Copy Share Image
When I go back to the stage, I want to be able to do everything. I want to be able to do… — Eddie Murphy Copy Share Image
“Scarlet: “But you’re bleeding pretty bad…and you’re probably in a lot of pain—“ Tristan: “I’m fine." Scarlet raised a brow. “Fine. Bleed… — Chelsea Fine Copy Share Image
“He didn't say "that's weird". He wouldn't have said "that's weird" if a flock of sheep had cycled past playing violins. It… — Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Comedy, in my opinion, is best when it's in the gray, and you're kind of pushing people's thoughts that they sort of… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
“It is better for a realist to bend his will and ethics to accommodate a true friend than it is for him… — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
“so if you go to a King Tut exhibit someday and notice cracks or burn marks on the artifacts, or maybe a… — serpent's shadow Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“(pg.31) "As it was, my first days on Earth were somewhat anticlimactic. Mother and Father seemed so happy tempting and corrupting that… — George Pendle Copy Share Image
That being said, some of my favorite poets are extremely funny. The aforementioned Matt Rohrer, for instance. Mary Ruefle. James Tate might… — Matthew Zapruder Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“A rolled-up newspaper landed on my head and then on Jim’s. “None of that in my house!” Oh my gods. The alpha… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
“She was of course the last person to judge somebody by the color of their skin - or if not absolutely the… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
“Will that be all?” I asked the pimply faced teen who ogled my exposed legs as if in heat. My pen tapped… — Brandi Salazar Copy Share Image
“Fat-heided creatures, the Carmichaels," she said judiciously. "Loyal enough, but stubborn as rocks." "Thus sayeth a Fraser," I remarked. "The Carmichaels must… — Diana Gabaldon Copy Share Image
I love 'Cheers.' I didn't watch it growing up, but I watched it getting ready to do the first season of 'New… — Elizabeth Meriwether Copy Share Image
I wasn't disciplined at all. As good of an athlete as I was, I was not disciplined. Had I had the drive… — Bernie Mac Copy Share Image
Do you know the most important trait a man can have? It is not executive ability; it is not a great mentality;… — Dale Carnegie Copy Share Image
“God has a funny way of reminding us we’re human. [About his impromptu water break during his delivery of the GOP rebuttal… — Marco Rubio Copy Share Image
“At that moment, Bobbie Faye felt an unbridled hatred for every movie heroine who'd ever raced away from he villain in Jimmy… — Toni McGee Causey Copy Share Image
“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write… — Lili St. Crow Copy Share Image
Because I was a shy and awkward child, I used humour to deflect attention. It was a controlling mechanism. Because I could… — Catherine Tate Copy Share Image
“God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and… — Stephen King Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I wish I could be the kind of person who has one-night stands, and instead of feeling guilty about it feels… — Caprice Crane Copy Share Image
“He smiled again. I kept staring. Then I said, “My name is Tillary Quilter.” “You called. We have an appointment. I’m a… — Shelly Reuben Copy Share Image
“Men like to create unnecessary organizations and give them impressive or mysterious names; this usually ends in increased confusion, and should therefore… — Elizabeth Peters Copy Share Image
“You want us to bargain with a lizard?” “They’re not lizards, Father. They’re extraordinary creatures who were here long before any human… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“You poor lonely boy,' she cried, 'it's so dreadful for you to have no parents.' Well, as my mother was a whore,… — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
My oldest brother used to take me to the theater. The first play he took me to see was 'Black Comedy,' then… — Nathan Lane Copy Share Image
One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“You don't have to say a thing except yes. You don't have to do anything, either, I'm quite willing to plan it… — Karen Hawkins Copy Share Image
and he would probably not agree with my conviction that a sense of humor is the main measure of sanity. But who… — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
I was lucky to develop in the U.K. because I find comedy - in addition to being caustic - it's quite literary… — Katherine Ryan Copy Share Image
“Santa was dead, to begin with. There was no doubt whatsoever about that. The after-action report was signed by the field commander,… — Chris Lester Copy Share Image
“Michael felt as if his heart might burst. With the death of the council he had felt as though he had lost… — Wendy Owens Copy Share Image
“Your ability to survive anything that gets thrown at you sometimes leaves the rest of us swallowing ulcer medication for days afterward.… — Patricia Briggs Copy Share Image
Jesus must have had a sense of humor. I like to think of Him as a guy who got people to listen… — Bil Keane Copy Share Image
![“God has a funny way of reminding us we’re human. [About his impromptu water break during his delivery of the GOP rebuttal to President Barack Obama’s State of the Union on February 12, 2013]” quote by Marco Rubio](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/33b/marco-rubio-355_funny_god-has-a-funny-way-of-reminding-us-we-r_2269848.png)
