Humor Quotes · Page 534

“Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”

— Lewis Carroll

“If they have to drag some of you fucking fuckers out of here in body bags, I will be so fucking stoked.”

— Michael Ian Black

Manners are a way of getting what you want without appearing to be an absolute swine.

— Quentin Crisp

I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous.

— Leslie Nielsen

Joy and laughter are the gifts of living in the presence of God and trusting that tomorrow is not worth worrying about.

— Henri Nouwen

I think both of us [ with Steve Oram], once we decided to do comedy, knew that we would have to come…

— Alice Lowe

“There are people who walk mules and people walk horses, but I never thought there were people who walk cops.”

— Mo Yan

“Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.
”

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

As we look for humor, seek for the eternal perspective, understnd the principle of compensation, and draw near to our Heavenly Father,…

— Joseph B. Wirthlin

“This time I don't want to be my own mother. I make a decision, take the entire bag of chocolate to my…

— Andrea Partee

I know David Walliams did 'Blankety Blank', and when he did that I was so jealous. I would have loved to have…

— Alan Carr

“What's that?' Thaniel said, curious. The postmarks and stamps weren't English or Japanese. 'A painting. There's a depressed Dutchman who does countryside…

— Natasha Pulley

Drama is played at the pace of chess... or billiards... or poker. Engrossing? Sure. But comedy is played at the jubilant, high-octane…

— Mark Waters

If you do something that is not gags and punchlines and is character-based, where there are no jokes as such, then it…

— Darren Boyd

When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You…

— Elayne Boosler

“Do you like flora and fauna? How about plants and animals? Because we have more of that beautiful crap than we know…

— Colin Nissan

Are we about to have some sort of wild west comedy tweet standoff? No one wins in this situation. Except me. But…

— Jason Segel

I can be dramatic. I can be funny. I can be sexy. I can be sad. I can be glad.

— Kimberly Elise

“Wasnt it Startre who said hell was eternity spent in a room with your friends?”

— L.J. Smith

“My cape caught fire. I dived to the sand and rolled on the ground to snuff the flames. So much for my…

— Maria V. Snyder

The circumstances In which I grew up In Poland were not auspicious for humor.

— Krzysztof Penderecki

“A line of perspiration slipped down my spine like a waterslide at an unamusement park.”

— Michelle Rowen

Im the type of person who laughs at my own texts before I send them because I'm so damn funny

— Gabby

“He peered down at me. “Jesus Christ. You’re leaking.” If by “leaking” he meant “sobbing like a girl,” I guess so.”

— Lili St. Crow

“That was the wonderful thing about historical novels, one met so many famous people. It was like reading a very old copy…

— Edward St. Aubyn

It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.

— Zach Galifianakis

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.

— Steve Martin

I feel, for the most part, especially in comedy, you make your own work, and maybe that's true across the board.

— Anna Faris

Is it spoken word? Kinda, but that's a weird area. Is it comedy? Well, it's funny but no, it's not comedy.

— Bruce McCulloch

“I despise Wednesdays! They are the Marquis de Sade of the work week. Wednesday are so awful that...wait..what? It's Thurs? (face-palm)”

— L.G.A. McIntyre

“Well, don't stand about like that, man; if you're no use you're certainly no ornament. Bring that in and tell me what…

— Stephen Baxter

We started with 53,000 people. Half are gone, but surprisingly, most are still here!

— Jerry Coleman

'Understanding' art is like having a sense of humour - if you don't have one, no amount of explanation is going to…

— Michael Craig-Martin

I think that in any role you have, whether TV or film, it's hard to do comedy and drama within one story.

— Callie Thorne

“Warthogpox High School was the worst school in the city of Wyvernwing, and Harry Hames Moffer was its most infamous student.”

— Jacquel Chrissy May

You can get away with making some extremely bold statements by Trojan Horsing them into a narrative via comedy.

— Camille Perri

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

— Mark Twain

I think it's that much harder to make a good comedy than it is straight and apparently serious.

— Guy Ritchie

If I ever meet C.S. Lewis in person I will either apologize to him or punch him in the head, depending on…

— Rock Cowles

“You’re not going to campus. You’re going out to get drunk and play with other ladies’ boobies.” - Kye”

— Krista Alasti