Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground… — Eugene Mirman Copy Share Image
“The little weasel ripped all the buttons off my couch. Ivan Petrovsky, pg 350” — Kerrelyn Sparks Copy Share Image
“Let me tell you: the only way to get rid of dragons is to have one of your own.” — Evgeny Shvarts Copy Share Image
I always thought it's way more important to be funny or to be honest than to look any certain way — Emma Stone Copy Share Image
“If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it.” — Andy Weir Copy Share Image
The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I think romantic comedy, when done right, is my favorite genre. It's just a genre that's very human. — Lena Dunham Copy Share Image
“He only drinks when he gets depressed,' said Carrot. 'Why does he get depressed?' 'Sometimes it's because he hasn't had a drink.” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“My sister, Mrs. Joe Gargery, was more than twenty years older than I, and had established a great reputation with herself and… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Tim Minchin's musings on Tony, the first 'fish' ever to have feet: Imagine what Tony would think, standing there on his brand… — Tim Minchin Copy Share Image
I never feel like it'll be something where like, 'Aha, I've got it. I'm funny for the rest of my life. I… — Jaboukie Young-White Copy Share Image
“Behold, my children!" she said. "The instrument of my revenge. I will call it a scythe!" The Titans muttered among themselves: What… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“Over the years I've received thousands of e-mails looking for guidance. Some have real problems; some talk about monkeys and poo--though those… — Eugene Mirman Copy Share Image
“He has to pay people who have a sense of humor. Since he’s lacking one,” I added, when Ethan didn’t laugh. “I… — Chloe Neill Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Stop calling bagpipes a musical instrument. They're actually a Scottish Breathalyzer test. You blow into one end, and if the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I love being Latina. I love our values, the way we're so in touch with others, our dark humor, how fun we… — Eiza Gonzalez Copy Share Image
As a rule, Germans shouldn't do comedy. Their last box office comedy was Nosferatu. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I can only develop a stand-up show by being on stage. I can't write it. Whenever I see comedy written down, it… — John Bishop Copy Share Image
“Seriousness is too boring to the playful human condition. A heart of stone that has a long face can never express love.” — Michael Bassey Johnson Copy Share Image
“An uncomfortable marriage can not bear the strain of the death of a beloved donkey.” — Merrie Haskell Copy Share Image
The funny thing about stopping is that as soon as you do it, here you are. — Jon Kabat-Zinn Copy Share Image
The best comedy comes from having real moments, heart and all. You can't just have people making jokes over and over and… — Molly Gordon Copy Share Image
A remarkable memoir that's packed with anecdotes, advice and humor, all while maintaining a high level of dignity and self-awareness. — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
The phrase 'unconscious humor' is the one contribution I have made to the current literature of the day. — Samuel Butler Copy Share Image
J. makes me laugh. He's incredibly dry and has a pretty harsh sense of humor that I enjoy. — Lou Barlow Copy Share Image
“I think that God's got a sick sense of humour, and when I die I expect to find him laughing.” — Depeche Mode Copy Share Image
The pathway to enlightenment leads to states of ecstasy, knowledge, and a pretty ironic sense of humor. — Frederick Lenz Copy Share Image
Beer:$10, Weed:$20, Condoms:$2.75. Finding out she swallows and has no gag reflex... PRICELESS! Fuck mastercard it pays to discover! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I dont mind god's sense of humour but its waiting for the punchline that is killing me... — Boaz Zippor Copy Share Image
If the existence of human beings leads to nothing, what is all this comedy about? — Camille Flammarion Copy Share Image
All drugs of any interest to any moderately intelligent person in America are now illegal. — Thomas Szasz Copy Share Image
“Jeg må vel konstatere, at jeg har et talent for at blive upgrated. Der er jo ingen grund til at kalde det… — Jørgen Leth Copy Share Image
Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too. — Reba McEntire Copy Share Image
The comic is the perception of the opposite; humor is the feeling of it. — Umberto Eco Copy Share Image
I do enjoy doing action quite clearly, but I also really like doing comedy. — Chris Pine Copy Share Image
In Bollywood, I think Boman Irani and Vinay Pathak are unbelievably good at comedy. — Vir Das Copy Share Image
Coleman Jacoby and Arnie Rosen won an Emmy and Mel Brooks didn't! Niezsche was right! There is no God! There is no… — Mel Brooks Copy Share Image
As far as the legal hassling and wrangling and posturing in Florida, I would suggest you talk to our team in Florida… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
James Gandolfini's heart attack at age 51 has inspired me to get in better shape after I finish rewatching all six seasons… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
