Humor Quotes · Page 531

'Make a remark,' said the Red Queen; 'it's ridiculous to leave all the conversation to the pudding!'

— Lewis Carroll

I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they…

— Anthony Jeselnik

No comedian's wife thinks he's funny. The first few years of the marriage, maybe. I was funny as hell the first couple…

— Tom Smothers

It's safe to say I'm a comedy nerd. I listen to so many podcasts. I just love to laugh.

— Allison Williams

Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.

— Garrison Keillor

“I had no idea what I was paying James, but based on his picnic-assembling skills alone, he needed a raise.”

— Lish McBride

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

— Don Rickles

Yeah, race exists. Racism is still here, and it's doing well. Turn on the news. I don't think me and my comedy…

— Tracy Morgan

At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and…

— P. J. O'Rourke

“We found a table. Nora said: "She's pretty." "If you like them like that." She grinned at me. "You got types?" "Only…

— Dashiell Hammett

“Thin people, God bless them, God curse them, don't get it: If you're not thin, you need to be careful and conscious…

— Frank Bruni

Every American, to the last man, lays claim to a "sense" of humor and guards it as his most significant spiritual trait,…

— E. B. White

“If you have never said "Excuse me" to a parking meter or bashed your shins on a fireplug, you are probably wasting…

— Sherri Chasin Calvo

Statistically, I'd say comedy writers are perhaps the sanest category of show people. And why not? They make big money, and although…

— Dick Cavett

“Mom," Nathan called to her. Daisy pulled her gaze from the tent and the fleeting glimpse of Jack's bare back, the smooth…

— Rachel Gibson

Comedy is so subjective. If you trip and fall down, some people will laugh, and some people will say, 'Oh, physical comedy…

— Martin Short

Anyone without a sense of humor is too pretentious to be a good magician.

— Anton Szandor LaVey

“The old vacuum cleaner keeps dying on her over and over until at last the cleaning woman scares it by yelling: "Motherfucker!”

— Lydia Davis

I'm only as nice as people allow me to be, so don't push my bitch button and we'll be great

— Anonymous

“And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it.”

— John Green

Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?

— Anonymous

Humor is the easiest to achieve; the 'heart' is always the toughest, because you can't tell people to feel a certain way.

— John Lasseter

I think comedy's just about being interested in comedy and what makes people laugh and experimenting.

— Zooey Deschanel

“Who gets the change?" the clerk asked. "You or...your fella?" Oh, he's not my boyfriend," I said. "He's my mother.”

— Wally Lamb

“It’s hardly the time for sense, I should think, since nonsense has been serving us so well”

— E.J. Patten

“I cringed as the band oozed into the next chord. If notes were cars, I think there was a D major under…

— Mary Hughes

“On the other hand, when you grow up you will discover that some of the people in this world never passed beyond…

— Hendrik Willem van Loon

“My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!”

— George Carlin

Paltrow is a lovely, watchable actress. She has a likeable sense of humour in interviews.

— Grace Dent

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.

— Mitch Hedberg

Philip Larkin has a tough honesty and sense of humor that I find irresistible, as a contemporary poet.

— Robert Morgan

“This damn ring had derailed her life. No wonder Gollum had gone insane.”

— Karina Bliss

My deepest fear about doing TV, especially about doing a network comedy, was what if it felt too surface-y? What if it…

— Ari Graynor

“When you told me you wrote a book, I laughed. Then I read it, and I wasn't laughing any more. It was…

— My Husband about Demon Mine

The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.

— Dave Chappelle

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even

— Art Buchwald

“Finding any semblance of unity would require extraordinary pattern-recognition skills, a keen imagination, and a hearty sense of humor”

— Paul Halpern

At the end of the day, stand-up comedy is like acting when the audience are the other characters that I'm acting with.

— Brett Gelman

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair…

— Kristen Schaal

“Jason tilts his head toward me, his hand moving slyly across his book. Stupid. Speech. Woman. ”

— Cynthia Lord