Humor Quotes · Page 526

I really, really enjoy comedy. I think that's one of my strong suits. It's my zone. And people don't expect it from…

— Bar Paly

“Fine! He is being passive aggressive with me, and it's gonna backfire; I'm gonna be active friendly.”

— Natalya Vorobyova

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

— Steven Wright

Journalism is straying into entertainment. The lines between serious news segments, news entertainment, and news comedy are blurring.

— Drew Curtis

Humor is important in everything. Dress with a little humor and you can go a long way.

— Iris Apfel

I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.

— Rita Rudner

“Nothing discourages unwanted questions as much as a flow of pious bleating”

— George R.R. Martin

I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on…

— Mitch Hedberg

Ambition is, of all other, the most contrary humor to solitude; and glory and repose are so inconsistent that they cannot possibly…

— Michel de Montaigne

I am not all about sex, but it is a big part of me, I love plenty sex, but I also love…

— Glen Rambharack

They used to have a smoking section at most airports. No more. They now have these glass-encased rooms. You're not just a…

— Marc Maron

I wasn't making fun of my father in-law's religion. And even if I was so what, it's a comedy. Religion should be…

— Larry David

“It's really a very simple arrangement, little mother. He fully understands that either they get healthy, or he gets sick. That sort…

— David Eddings

Everyone wants me to do the comedy thing. But I always wanted to do action adventure. I want to be a guy…

— Sinbad

“Bethany blinked. "Did you just hit me?" she asked, disbelief coloring her every feature. Skylar raised both hands, palms outward. "I come…

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

“Trust is not be said or shown to those who deserves it from from you because it's dangerous to their good did…

— Bola Dodo

Parents catch you masturbating? Stare straight at em and finish like a boss!

— Anonymous

My father is sort of the jokester. My dad is still the funniest guy in our family.

— Seth Meyers

Business is full of pain and hardship and with that, laughter and release.

— Ronnie Apteker

It is rare to find learned men who are clean, do not stink and have a sense of humour.

— Baron de Montesquieu

I had been writing and performing stand-up comedy pretty much the entire time I worked at Google.

— Sarah Cooper

“Let me be sure I understand this babies thing. These items are how big? . . . And they come out of WHERE?”

— Wendy Bertsch

Assuredly it would be a pity if laughter should ever become, like rhetoric and the arts, a habit.

— Alice Meynell

I hate when people dont watch where Im going when Im walking and texting.

— Azgraybebly Joslan

The sense of humor has other things to do than to make itself conspicuous in the act of laughter.

— Alice Meynell

I think it's so sexy to be loud and funny, weird and strange, silly and goofy.

— Megan Stalter

I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy.

— Dominic Holland

I just realized at a certain point that no matter how much writing I did, I'm still a gym rat for comedy…

— Neal Brennan

“Anytime you hear of anyone dying suddenly, it ought to ensure you appreciate the need to live suddenly.”

— Anonymous

As a comedy nerd, I get a lot out of the podcast because I'm genuinely interested in the people I'm talking to.

— Chris Hardwick

“I would have said sacrificing one of his own kind was a new low for Jag, but honestly? Jag was a bottomless…

— Red Tash

“You have been around since scaly things crawled out of the muck, would it have killed you to read a book?”

— Metatron

I've got quite a few friends in the comedy world as you meet a lot of people.

— Lee Mack

“Well, Gascon, I'm going to miss your long blue hair. How on earth will I find you in a crowd now?”

— Marianne Curley

'Namastey London' is my favourite Bollywood film, it is a complete pack - it has entertainment, drama, emotion and comedy.

— Ammy Virk

“Should've known when I met her mama. The big, fat acorn didn't fall too far from the big, fat tree.”

— Johnny Shaw

You can always rely on America to do the right thing -- once it has exhausted the alternatives.

— Winston Churchill

When I came into comedy in 2005, I didn't even know there was discrimination against musical comics in the alternative-comedy strain.

— Tim Minchin

“The strongest should come first in comedy because once a character is really established as funny everything he does is funny.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

I'd always wanted to be a dramatic. Comedy comes more naturally to me. I can do it with more facility. So I…

— Woody Allen