Larry David

I believe in something.

— Larry David

Golf and dating don't mix.

— Larry David

Most people think I'm immodest.

— Larry David

I'm anti-cheese in a salad.

— Larry David

I find human contact repulsive.

— Larry David

Drugs scared me.

— Larry David

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

— Larry David

You write about what you know.

— Larry David

I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else.

— Larry David

There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!

— Larry David

I have reservations about everything I do.

— Larry David

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

— Larry David

I think Michael Moore is a hero.

— Larry David

I need to be on drugs to connect with nature.

— Larry David

I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

— Larry David

Women love a self-confident bald man.

— Larry David

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a…

— Larry David

People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue.

— Larry David

If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.

— Larry David

I've always loathed rich people, so I've become who I've loathed, which makes it doubly difficult, if you can follow me.

— Larry David

I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it.

— Larry David

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.

— Larry David

I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through.

— Larry David

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

— Larry David

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about…

— Larry David

All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was…

— Larry David

A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless…

— Larry David

I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The…

— Larry David

Do not degrade me in the military uniform I wear for it represents the love I have for my country, and the…

— Larry David

Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so…

— Larry David

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life…

— Larry David

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of…

— Larry David

“She was breaking the rules! She wasn't following the rules of society ... The unwritten rules that we have as we go…

— Larry David

“Larry: i don’t really get this fascination that people have with the ocean Cheryl: no? Larry: i dunno. i mean i stare…

— Larry David

“Shouldn't be having a birthday party two weeks after your birthday ... Okay, three days, no more than that though, it's not…

— Larry David

I wasn't making fun of my father in-law's religion. And even if I was so what, it's a comedy. Religion should be…

— Larry David

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the…

— Larry David

I am not honest.

— Larry David

I have no secrets.

— Larry David

Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.

— Larry David