“If [his] peace of mind depended on me promising to be a sweet and careful little girl, he'd be smart to get… — Sharon Green Copy Share Image
“Aer-O-Smith. Arrowsmith. Does the shirt belong to your weapon dealer?” “No.” “Then why do you wear the shirt of someone else’s weapon… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
“Oh yes, I'm at my happiest when I have a good idea and I'm drawing it well, and it comes out well… — Charles M. Schulz Copy Share Image
You traded in your iPhone 4 for an extra half inch? Hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
“I was lucky to live in the 20th century, when gefilte fish could be purchased in a jar.” — Barbara "Cutie" Cooper Copy Share Image
No charm, no humor, no wit -- and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' . — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The sound of silence, when you realize that you have no kids… ha ha ha... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The scrupulous survivors in life are the best counterweight to unscrupulous survivors.” — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
I was worried people would laugh at me when I started to talk the language, but they were just pleasantly surprised that… — Parminder Nagra Copy Share Image
There are so many things to talk about between black people, Hispanic people, white people, gay people, men, women, it's all based… — Marlon Wayans Copy Share Image
As an undergrad, I was the editor of the Yale humor magazine, and since then, I've published humor in the 'New York… — Eric Metaxas Copy Share Image
“They danced on the shore in marvelous, civilized, humorous reels in which the old contributed wit when they could not contribute grace,… — Mark Helprin Copy Share Image
I have no clue what Plato was talking about when he said that the unexamined wife was not worth leaving. I don't… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
They are two very different people. It's almost a modern-day 'Odd Couple,' if I had to characterize it, with the two of… — Dawn Ostroff Copy Share Image
“I gave him my Order smile: sweet grin, hard eyes, reached over to my passenger seat, and pulled out my submachine gun.… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
If a comic laughs at their own jokes, I don't like it. They shouldn't find it funny; they should seriously believe in… — James Acaster Copy Share Image
Comedy is not easy to do - where you make someone laugh out loud in their living room. — Ed O'Neill Copy Share Image
Some people don't have a sense of humor about certain things, and other people do. — Nahnatchka Khan Copy Share Image
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
“Jaime, dear, forgive me, but I don't think you are man enough to take care of my Cass. She's a special kind… — Mercy Celeste Copy Share Image
“My indiscretion was a part of my author mystique, just like Charles Dickens and Richard Madeley.” — Rosen Trevithick Copy Share Image
“The Universe is picking us off one by one. Yesterday part of the poop deck went, and with it all the toilets.” — Stanisław Lem Copy Share Image
I only did the comedy thing because I just thought I could do it better than anyone else at the time. And… — Keith Allen Copy Share Image
Life is a double-faced creature; one face is tragedy, the other one is comedy. We have no way but to face the… — Mehmet Murat Ildan Copy Share Image
“Leif stared at me, utterly still, the way only vampires and pet rocks can manage.” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
I took a job in a comedy club - not doing stand-up comedy, because that's my idea of hell, but in the… — Phoebe Fox Copy Share Image
I feel as ignored as a white crayon, the first piece of bread, Internet explorer, the terms of agreement, and the 18yrs+… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The mightiest of weapons is truth. And everyone knows you're not permitted to enter a Government building with a weapon. — John Alejandro King Copy Share Image
“Look, I’ve got nothing against brains. Some of my best friends have them.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“If you walk out on him, I will beat you so hard your great-grandchildren will feel it.” — Angel Martinez Copy Share Image
Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one's bottom. — Taki Theodoracopulos Copy Share Image
“Everything in this room is eatable. Even I am eatable. But that, my dear children, is cannibalism, and is frowned upon in… — Ashley Clegg Copy Share Image
“I'm not going to tell you to trust me, because that's a terrible idea.” — Stephanie Garber Copy Share Image
'The spider is more sacred of you than you're scared of it!' Oh really, did it tell you that?! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
If I didn't go into comedy... maybe I would've been a funny meter reader. — Nate Bargatze Copy Share Image
I feel like I don't really have a sense of humor... I don't know if I could characterize it dark or light.… — Sandra Oh Copy Share Image
All good activities which encourage people to learn how to live with one another pleasantly and to develop a sense of humor… — Leonard Carmichael Copy Share Image
I do comedy in my room by myself, so it's so different to see how that all works and get the behind… — Kian Lawley Copy Share Image
“It is perhaps a sign of the strength of our republic that so few people feel the need to participate. That must… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
![“If [his] peace of mind depended on me promising to be a sweet and careful little girl, he'd be smart to get used to chaos.” quote by Sharon Green](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/67f/sharon-green-55317_dominant_if-his-peace-of-mind-depended-on-me-prom_2503789.jpg)
