Humor Quotes · Page 517

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

— Henry Ward Beecher

A witty writer is like a porcupine; his quill makes no distinction between friend and foe.

— Josh Billings

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help…

— Steven Wright

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

— Steve Martin

I'm at my best when I'm at my funniest and most observational comedy is topical. But anything forced, it stings or reads…

— Matty Healy

I know comedy; I know how to do crazy, off-the-wall stuff that makes me laugh out loud.

— Jonathan Krisel

“How can you wish on a turkey wishbone with a man who is capable of correcting a love letter?”

— Bel Kaufman

“I didn't feel strong. I felt like a big ball of wuss that wanted to curl up in my bed and never…

— Diane Castle

I thought people would ask me really personal questions because I've shown more of myself, but it's a comedy, and people understand…

— Charlotte Gainsbourg

Comedy people are always present because they're always looking for the funniest version of whatever the line is. Sometimes theater people, where…

— Chris O'Dowd

“Let me enlighten you. We are a pack of liars, thieves, and wastrels, the lot of us...There is not an honestly gained…

— Alissa Johnson

“Has he written to you?' 'He writes frequently.' 'Shew me his letters this instant, I order you'; and M. de Renal added…

— Stendhal

“I put ten sugar cubes in my coffee. I drank it through my tongue, and my blood sang like the Archangel Gabriel…

— David Mitchell

“(Jen gets completely sloshed and it's not her wedding) I was supposed to meet Carol and her family at the aquarium the…

— Jen Lancaster

When I had my Comedy Central roast, David [Spade] was my first choice to be roastmaster, because I adore him. He's funny…

— Rob Lowe

It is quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor,…

— D. H. Lawrence

Just as true humor is laughter at oneself, true humanity is knowledge of oneself.

— Anonymous

“Who's your daddy?' Myrnin stared at him as if he'd gone completely mental. ' Excuse me? ”

— Rachel Caine

“Have a little sociological beano. As you said - in sociology one can do anything and call it work.”

— Malcolm Bradbury

“Nahum bobbed again. 'My crest is cropped by croaking cranes. I go to drown in doleful dumps, dead-drunk with drearihead.”

— John Bellairs

“If you cannot find an element of Humour in something, your not taking it seriously enough.”

— Ilyas Kassam

“I can't remember the last time I crapped in somebody's sink, but I think it may be why I'm not allowed in…

— John Cheese

That annoying moment when you post a funny status and there's that one person who ruins it by sayin something serious -_-

— Tanya Bianco

The reason most comedies don't win awards is that the filmmakers put the comedy first. This means you have to create a…

— Paul Feig

“What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl…

— John Blutarsky

If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.

— Mitch Hedberg

“if you keep looking for what’s wrong you might just miss the very thing that’s right. I want it to be about…

— John Williams

“Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“All of you who think you know it all are starting to piss off those of us who do.”

— DE Overman

“Talk to me about your plans, Bram,” Ailean said as he walked into the hall. “Come back to the war room.” “You…

— G.A. Aiken

Then I will tape the sets and even though I'm not very successful sometimes I will try to cut out the fat…

— David Cross

I thought all comedy was stupid. I went to watch a friend do stand-up and I thought absolutely everyone was terrible.

— Sara Pascoe

I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at…

— David Sedaris

“And somebody might now want to ask me, "Can't you ever be serious?" The answer is, "No.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

What a fool cannot learn he laughs at, thinking that by his laughter he shows superiority instead of latent idiocy.

— Marie Corelli

“I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”

— Nick Helm

There's a danger zone if you take yourself too seriously. It's a terrible trap to fall into. I think it's the death…

— Samantha Bee

“Gran follows recipes by looking at picture—to the eye, delicious; to the tongue, boiled socks. Makes you wanna cry really.”

— Simon Cheshire

“An autobiography is inherently incomplete unless the last page is written on the eve of the author's demise.”

— Dan Makaon

“The editor will be an extension of your hand; the keys will sing as they slice their way through text and thought.”

— Andrew Hunt