The best thing about being 45 is not taking myself so seriously. — Jen Lancaster Age Copy Share Image
In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated. — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
Fortunately, all it takes for us to be of one mind is some buttercream frosting. — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit. — Jen Lancaster Going to sleep Copy Share Image
I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve. — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
I'm very detail oriented. I think that's why people enjoy my memoirs - because I tend to remember everything. — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
When did the cell phone become a license to be rude? And why must I be subjected to your personal conversations? — Jen Lancaster Cell phone Copy Share Image
Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack. — Jen Lancaster Animal Copy Share Image
Writing is something that I've always loved. That stems from my love of being a reader. — Jen Lancaster Books Copy Share Image
Fletch then kisses me on the forehead before opening the cabinet under the coffeemaker to grab placemats and napkins. Retrieving these items… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“I mean, six years ago my electricity's being cut off and my car's getting repossessed and I'm being evicted from my apartment,… — Jen Lancaster Evicted Copy Share Image
“When she gets rattled, the South really comes out. Once when Daddy tried to cancel our country club membership because he said… — Jen Lancaster Culture Copy Share Image
I don't care how happily married you are or how deeply enmeshed you are with your children and family and career --… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
I don't mean to get all religious here, but I'm pretty sure key lime martinis (with a graham cracker & sugar rim)… — Jen Lancaster Crackers Copy Share Image
“Except for thinking up reasons I’m allowed to skip the gym, my schedule is almost totally empty. (Today’s reason is because I… — Jen Lancaster Gym Copy Share Image
I've determined the ideal job for me is one where I can write clever essays about my life and my employer will… — Jen Lancaster Clever Copy Share Image
“What's funny is the act of cleaning out my desk takes an hour, yet I've been dreading it for so many damn… — Jen Lancaster Time wasted Copy Share Image
“Fletch is back from Austin, and turns out what sounded great on paper didn't match up to reality. He says its so… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“I stuff another handful of Raisinets in my mouth. What gets me is the 'pretty face' bit. 'Cause I won't mind being… — Jen Lancaster Funny Copy Share Image
“Everyday I feel more and more like a full-fledged adult. Even though it was (metaphorically) only yesterday I was sloshing in the… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
Really? If I could hate my trainer? That would be ideal. I'd prefer to despise this person with the fire of ten… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
The living room is a monument to my impulsive spending habits. I've got more than two hundred DVDs, including cinematic greats such… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“With two pit bulls in the house, we have a responsibility to make sure they’re always under control. I mean, we’re well… — Jen Lancaster Animal Copy Share Image
Over the summer we chatted one night while Angie stripped a bed, changed wet sheets, comforted and repajamaed a toddler, and chased… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“In Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand stated that there's no such thing as real altruism. She espoused the principle of ethical egotism, meaning… — Jen Lancaster Generosity Copy Share Image
“Actually, I believe there are only two kinds of women in this world: Martha people and Oprah people. That doesn’t mean one… — Jen Lancaster Collaboration Copy Share Image
“I want to change my life...except I sort of like it. I mean, I couldn't be more delighted every Monday night after… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“(At a health and fitness fair) Though normally superconfident, I am not prepared for the judgmental stares of the ultrafit. They don't… — jen lancaster Fitness Copy Share Image
“(Jen gets completely sloshed and it's not her wedding) I was supposed to meet Carol and her family at the aquarium the… — Jen Lancaster Humor Copy Share Image
“This is a Lucent PBX with Audix voice mail, right? I used this kind at all of my old jobs, so I'm… — Jen Lancaster Old job Copy Share Image
“The second prong in my revised Trinity is IKEA, the Swedish home store monolith. If you're unfamiliar, they carry every single thing… — Jen Lancaster Furniture Copy Share Image
“This quick foray onto the toilet has been no different an endeavor than any other time I’ve used the restroom in my… — Jen Lancaster Adult life Copy Share Image
“As I paddle along, I slowly become aware that it's been fear keeping me out of this pool for so many years.… — Jen Lancaster Fear Copy Share Image
