Humor Quotes · Page 521

The ironic humor comes from the distance between what we understand about ourselves and what is truly going on in ourselves.

— Robert Olen Butler

I wouldn't mind having another shot at doing comedy, but I'm not sure that's the way I'd want to go.

— David Morse

“You're not leaving me behind. Or I'll do a spell to make you smell like ass. Forever.”

— Kresley Cole

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about…

— Adam Ferrara

“There have been daring people in the world who claimed that Fenimore Cooper could write English, but they are all dead now.”

— Mark Twain

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

— Rita Rudner

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

— Steven Wright

My grandpa is the funniest person in the world, straight up. But mostly everyone in my family groans when he is 'on.'…

— Phil Elverum

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have…

— Jimmy Carr

“Half the time I have no idea what I'm doing. The other half, I'm trying to undo what I did when I…

— Suki Michelle

“A high-level government agent was arrested today for selling secrets to Russia. They now have all of the exact locations of our…

— David Letterman

I was a heathen Jewess with no bat mitzvah. Only the neurosis, the brown hair, and the self-deprecating humor. But being one…

— Susanna Fogel

“Can I have a glass of water?" Her voice was hoarse, probably from screaming. She'd always sounded like that after they'd- He…

— Jennifer Armintrout

My very first job was something called 'Nobody's Watching,' that Bill Lawrence who created 'Scrubs,' it was his pilot. It was my…

— Mircea Monroe

When I started, I wanted to be thought of as tortured and seductive, not funny, but humor tends to be a reflexive…

— Mark Leyner

Without good humour, learning and bravery can only confer that superiority which swells the heart of the lion in the desert, where…

— Samuel Johnson

“Five wild Event Maelstroms swirled in vicious storms of unreason and spewed up a pavement.”

— Douglas Adams

“All pomp and show.” Anjali’s glare at the house would’ve exploded bricks if she’d had superhuman powers. “A fat cow needs a…

— Nicola Marsh

I think comedy is one of the hardest things to do for an actor, I am looking forward to the challenge.

— Varun Sandesh

“I thought about TimeBlaze. We should...shorten the titles. The titles are getting long. More colons than a proctologist.”

— D.C. Pierson

Did you know? That the ruler was invented by an artist, because the hardest thing to draw is a straight line.

— SdotHawkins

“Your boat's not like to sink, I don't think. Boats only sink when I'm aboard.”

— George R.R. Martin

I love comedy, but I actually do prefer drama because I am already animated as a human being.

— Shanola Hampton

“You're funny, which you can't be if you're not smart. Dad says it's harder to make someone laugh than it is to…

— Cath Crowley

“Well, sir, if I could grow apples like that, I would call myself a gardener.”

— J.R.R. Tolkien

There is no character in the comedy of human life more difficult to play well than that of an old bachelor.

— Washington Irving

“i realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl...because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol”

— Fee Scott

“I see the beginning, I see the end. And in the middle I just hope I don't fall on my ass to…

— Shehanne Moore

Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing…

— Chris Rock

My first film was a comedy, but after that I went always into more heavier stuff.

— Paul Verhoeven

When love feels like magic, you call it destiny. When destiny has a sense of humor, you call it serendipity.

— Anonymous

“Thomas Jefferson - another gorgeous white boy who would not have been interested in me.”

— Tina Fey

“You don't have to be religious to hear God, you just have to be willing, and there's a big difference between the…

— Karyn Rae

“Jary, Garge, Elane and Daved Pady emerge from the Lamborgini Veneno like sad clown's from the SICKEST clown car ever.”

— Seinfeld 2000

“Sunrises and sunsets are real jerks about putting things in perspective.”

— Josh Lieb

I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.

— Oscar Wilde

I think, in our darkest moments, you have to find the humor, and you have to find the lightness.

— Corey Hawkins

“Here's to our enduring sisterhood. May it bind us together more tightly that the Lycra in my Spanx underpants.”

— Susan McBride

As you meditate, you'll develop a sense of humor so that you can laugh at yourself, which you need to do in…

— Frederick Lenz

When somebody says that a comic steals jokes, it's the ultimate betrayal of comedy.

— Carlos Mencia