I know it might be kind of ironic, but I like funny films and documentaries. — Danny Lloyd Copy Share Image
“Do you remember—” “Fuck, yes.” Merrick stood. “And if you’re telling this story, I’m getting the bottle.” — KJ Charles Copy Share Image
“The potatoes were starch grenades. The canned carrots were revolting because that is their nature.” — David Mitchell Copy Share Image
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
“When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day.” — Jay Wickre Copy Share Image
“Why even dictate? Well, like a lot of other dictators, there's one man's opinion I value above all others. Mine.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I don't know. I think it's funny! I think it's funny! I go, what? It's so absurd. I'm alone. — Danny DeVito Copy Share Image
“To tell the truth, it is regarding the physical side of marriage that I have always been apprehensive...There so seldom seems to… — Colin Watson Copy Share Image
“I think I've had a shit, Shaya." The poor woman sounded distressed and mortified. "Have I, Grace? Don't lie to me." "No,… — Suzanne Wright Copy Share Image
“Dan had begun working his way around the room starting at the food wall. "Here's a little wheel to twist" he said,… — Holly Lisle Copy Share Image
“Are you okay?" "Leave me alone, Charlie." "No, really. What's wrong?" "You wouldn't understand." "I could try." "That's a laugh. That's really… — Stephen Chbosky Copy Share Image
“We have built cities that scrape the sky, machines that think and a global network that allows people to yell at each… — Natalie Kyriacou Copy Share Image
“Baravetto was unconscious when we found him," Hi said. "What'd you do to the guy?" "Kicked him in the balls, then brained… — Kathy Reichs Copy Share Image
With John Wayne Gacy - the serial killer who dressed up as a clown - there's just something about clowns I don't… — Allison Janney Copy Share Image
“He could totally be your boyfriend," [Angel] went on with annoying persistance. "You guys could get married. I could be like a… — James Patterson Copy Share Image
What kills comedy is an absence of hard comedy commissions, traditional let's-make-every-line-funny comedy commissions. — Jamie Demetriou Copy Share Image
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“When facing unbeatable odds, just think of yourself as unbeatably odd. (The Hero's Guide to Being a Hero)” — Christopher Healy Copy Share Image
taste is like a sense of humor. I never met a person who didn't think they had one. — Max D. Adams Copy Share Image
“There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.” — Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“The thing is you cannot imagine what is going to happen next. If you're imagining it - it's from your imagination.” — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
I don't really necessarily think I'm a funny guy, but I like the opportunity to take on something that I don't feel… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was always very against the idea that for comedy to be 'important' it has to be dark. It's very much a… — David Baddiel Copy Share Image
When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
Dear Single Internet Women, you DO NOT have an average build if your birthday suit looks like a snowmobile suit! — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I'm not sure who invented dodgeball, but I can almost guarantee you that it wasn't the shortest kid in the class. — John Bingham Copy Share Image
I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40. — Roy Bean Copy Share Image
“When a Dragon, an Elf, and a Human walk into a bar, the Human is always going to be the punch line.” — Bryan Fields Copy Share Image
“Pyaar-Vyaar karke kuch nahi hota. Jo hota hai wo Hawas hai aur kuch nahi.” — SuperAditya Copy Share Image
“Life is like a DVR recording. The story goes on, but you cannot see it until you fast forward through the commercials” — Christopher Earle Copy Share Image
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Those who lack a sense of humor are destined to be life's hacked up hairballs.” — S.A. Garcia Copy Share Image
“If you've done 6 impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
“I led my schoolmates in collecting pennies. We wanted to donate the pennies to the starving children in America.” — Anchee Min Copy Share Image
“The universal law is that the most frustrating thing will always happen, no matter how unlikely.” — Joe Abercrombie Heroes Copy Share Image
A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“Life is change, constant change, and unless we are lucky enough to find comedy in it, change is nearly always a drama,… — Mark T. Sullivan Copy Share Image
“Books are like a movie that makes you smarter and lasts for hours and doesn't run out of battery.” — Ranbowfut Copy Share Image
![“He could totally be your boyfriend," [Angel] went on with annoying persistance. "You guys could get married. I could be like a junior bridesmaid. Total could be your flower dog." "I'm only a kid!" I shrieked. "I can't get married!" "You could in New Hampshire." My mouth dropped open. How does she…” quote by James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/b42/james-patterson-171_angel_he-could-totally-be-your-boyfriend-angel_2053622.jpg)
