Humor Quotes · Page 494

When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter.

— Yakov Smirnoff

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

— Frank Carson

A responsive crowd is great - they help you see new things in your comedy.

— Michael McIntyre

“Stab me if you can enjoy it - but not if it feels like a duty. Stab me vertically if I’m lying…

— Steve Aylett

The best point of my novels, I think, is their humor. I want to keep many my works humorous.

— Haruki Murakami

Comedy is here to bring joy to the world, whether you want to hear the curse words or not.

— Kenan Thompson

“He stared at her. "How do chicks do that?" "We have uteruses- they give us magic color sense.”

— Susan Andersen

I know what people like, and fortunately they seem to share my sense of humor.

— Hal Needham

“I've only been to SNL three times, and one time I was there, Chevy and Billy were having a huge screaming fight…

— Anonymous

“Of all records, Chase, Some Girls! It was in a clutch of the most horrendous crap, J. Geils Band, Sniff 'n' the…

— Jonathan Lethem

I think comedy is a place where we can work on connecting more as people. That's what I really like about doing…

— Melissa Villasenor

When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know…

— John Cleese

“He opened the first letter, No "Dear Mr. Woods." It was a page full of profanities. There was something oddly refreshing about…

— Randy Alcorn

My brother was a great audience, and if he liked the picture, he would laugh and laugh and laugh, and he would…

— Lynn Johnston

I've always loved, as an Aussie, comedy is part of my life. My friends and I are always ribbing each other and…

— Alex O'Loughlin

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two…

— Christopher Morley

The function of abundance is not to possess things but to use them and gather experiences.

— Stuart Wilde

I'd rather not have a moment when I'm known for my looks; being funny and interesting lasts longer.

— Kelly Ripa

One thing my family has shown me is that having a sense of humor is everything.

— Zoey Deutch

I love doing comedy, and I don't get a chance to much. I get to play lots of serious people and killers…

— William Sadler

Music played a large role in the survival of the black people in America — that and a sense of humor that…

— Redd Foxx

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

— Milton Jones

“That was some branch. Did it have a vendetta against your t-shirt?” “Guess so.” “I hope you showed it who is boss.”…

— Stacey Marie Brown

The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.

— George Carlin

“Being the evil undead wasn't fun anymore. For one thing, it was increasingly hard to get a library card.”

— Sharon Ashwood

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a store nearing closing without any customers will be the epicenter of employee mischief.”

— Ellen Mint

“My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason…

— C. JoyBell C

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.

— Peter De Vries

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.

— Steve Martin

And the sad truth is that nobody wants me to write comedy. The Exorcist not only ended that career, it expunged all…

— William Peter Blatty

It's not hard to be a woman in comedy as long as you're also a writer. You have to create your opportunity.

— Kristen Schaal

I'd never been the class clown and comedy was not a fulfilment of a dream.

— Sean Lock

“Remember how before, I was talking about Dungeons and Dragons? Vividly, Jace said. It was a dark time.”

— Cassandra Clare

“That's sarcasm! You can't talk to me like that! You're just a servant!" "That's right. And so are you.”

— Terry Pratchett

Comedy is a terrible way to meet women. It's certainly a way to start talking to them, but they always have preconceptions…

— Frankie Boyle

Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel…

— Bob Inglis

I was interested in the mystical element of humor - was humor part of creation? Is God laughing at us, or with…

— Rebecca Miller

My father was always clowning around. It was a huge influence on me. In my family, everything is turned into a joke.

— Ben Miller

The only time laughter is wicked is when it is turned against Him Who gave it.

— Fulton J. Sheen

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it…

— Mark Twain