There's nothing sillier in the world than a teacher telling you don't do it after you already did it. — Frank McCourt Copy Share Image
A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. — Voltaire Copy Share Image
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I don't do 'black music,' I don't do 'white music'...I make fight music, for high school kids.” — Eminem Copy Share Image
“Lonzo made a show of patting down his pockets "Damn, I must have left my rope and grappling hook in my other… — Alexis Morgan Copy Share Image
“ Karl Marx: "Religion is the opiate of the masses." Carrie Fisher: "I did masses of opiates religiously.” — Carrie Fisher Copy Share Image
Our comedy was light-hearted amusement that seemingly tripped naturally off the tongue. That's why I don't think it will date. — Ronnie Corbett Copy Share Image
I hate when people see me at the supermarket and they're like hey what are you doing here? and I'm just like… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Now that I thought of it, perhaps whacking the burglar wasn’t quite…necessary. It occurred to me that he said “Hi.” I thought… — Kristan Higgins Copy Share Image
“Are you sure you guys will all…fit?” The looks on his brothers’ faces had Orion almost laughing loudly, but he held himself… — R.E. Butler Copy Share Image
“My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
Humor and laughter - not necessarily derogatory derision - are my pet tools. This may come from my general philosophy of never… — Marcel Duchamp Copy Share Image
“He stepped forward. “We’ve been together a year. How many times have you seen me hunt?” Umm. “How many times, Kate?” “None.”… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
Nine-tenths of the value of a sense of humor in writing is not in the things it makes one write but in… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
“You thought the waiter must not hear, as if he cared! I dare say he often hears worse things said than I… — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
When I speak a serious subject in an informal and humorous way, it has bigger impact. So much so, when BBC made… — Arunachalam Muruganantham Copy Share Image
Jello's Biafra kind of like my weird, retarded uncle. He's part of the family. — Al Jourgensen Copy Share Image
“It's a guy thing. We have reactions to women in tight leather with whips. It's sort of involuntary.” — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
“My eye was drawn to a bright green hue, the same shade as a poisonous Amazonian frog, the tiny, delightfully deadly ones.” — Gail Honeyman Copy Share Image
And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for comedy. — Robert Klein Copy Share Image
“Cool! I don't have to be told twice. I'm a monster not a Morin." He moved quickly back to the bed.” — P.C. Cast Copy Share Image
Sometimes you don't want to be a slapstick clown in order to convey a funny perception of the world. — Tina Weymouth Copy Share Image
“I love tomorrow a lot but I'm quickly reminded that today, right now, is the best chance I have to live my… — victor adeagbo Copy Share Image
Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I've always been partial to comedy. I love the idea of working on a comedic scene. — Matthew Lewis Copy Share Image
You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't. — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
“I realize that I can laugh, that it is possible to be happy, that laughter and hope can come back to me.” — Philippa Gregory Copy Share Image
My life is like a romantic comedy except there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't hate me because I'm handsome, hate me because your girlfriend thinks I am. — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you bend over in front of pinnochio and he lies. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same… — Lynda Barry Copy Share Image
“Then, once he had eaten, he would ask the spirits for guidance. Their guidance was pretty useless, but the company would be… — Joe Abercrombie Copy Share Image
Although a lot can be learned from adversity, most of the same lessons can be learned through laughter and joy. — Peter McWilliams Copy Share Image
“I spent six hours becoming one with a shrubbery last night. There were three cloudbursts and a rain of small and very… — Charles Stross Copy Share Image
Even conservative columnists tend to prefer humor that isn't fit to print. — Ross Douthat Copy Share Image
“Dave put a lot of thought into picking out the books his dad would like least.” — Theric Jepson Copy Share Image
“But, I tell myself, Weight is just an artifact of gravity. If this were a jazz club on the moon, I would… — Weike Wang Copy Share Image
“Though I wondered what she ever made of my professed love for and intentions to marry Big Bird, the hottie of Sesame… — Wendy Delsol Copy Share Image
[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.' — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
![“[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'” quote by Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/49e/bill-hicks-970_audience_comedy-is-an-escape-from-illusions-the-a_474608.jpg)
