“He wanted one drink, and understood precisely why he wasn't going to have one. One drink ended up arriving in a dozen… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause 'The customer is… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“If God could make a carpenter into a Savior, a slave trader into a reverend, why not an opium addict into an… — Michelle Griep Copy Share Image
“Spreading laughter is healthy and more fun than sex. Well... unless you do them at the same time.” — Michael Clutton Copy Share Image
If I'm the president, we're going to have emergency-room care, we're going to have gag orders. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
There is nothing so debilitating to a naturally weak sense of humor as selling tickets behind a grating. — Kate Douglas Wiggin Copy Share Image
“I like the smell of my Grandma's soap - I used to sit in the bath and eat it.” — Carl Barât Copy Share Image
One of the real ways out of conflict is humour. It builds bridges; it's a weapon against rigid ideology, narrow thinking, intolerance. — Anthony McCarten Copy Share Image
“And how could he know the character of the country? By finding out the sense of humor of the country. For if… — Rebbe Nachman of Breslov Copy Share Image
You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“Now, what happened to you two?” he points at me then at Luke. “Nothing.” I say to Will. “Luke is smitten after… — Rea Lidde Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I ask my wife last night why she love me? She said because I am funny, has a good sense of humor,… — Glen Rambharack Copy Share Image
“Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Someone opens the door. Do not panic. “Hi.” I’m smiling, but I find myself leaning awkwardly to my… — Rea Lidde Copy Share Image
The hardest part of comedy is writing the jokes, and the second-hardest part is telling the jokes. To me, everything else is… — Neal Brennan Copy Share Image
[At Boston College] I started working on the kinds of skills that you need for comedy. It's about being creative and learning… — Amy Poehler Copy Share Image
Sex is pretty funny, let's face it. And the more seriously we take ourselves, the funnier sex gets, I think. — Betty White Copy Share Image
My portrayal of Fagin was all to do with my experience in comedy and revue. — Ron Moody Copy Share Image
“Who made you eat bitch for lunch? Who poured you a tall bitch beer float? Who sprinkled bacon bitch on your salad?” — A. S. King Copy Share Image
If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Comedy, I imagine, is harder to do consistently than tragedy, but I like it spiced in the wine of sadness. — Bernard Malamud Copy Share Image
People: I love it when my boyfriend tells me how much he loves me. Me: I love it when my microwave tells… — Varsha Sharma Copy Share Image
“I was thinking..." "We know," Pedro said, "It was like sitting next to a pressure cooker” — Davis Bunn Copy Share Image
My boyfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Nobody wants to see sketch comedy that's the same sketch they've seen time and time again, or that's just a rehash of… — Jordan Peele Copy Share Image
I make dramedies, but 'Tangerine' really has a lot of comedy, and I saw that it had a great effect - it… — Sean Baker Copy Share Image
I feel like everything comes into your life for a reason. With 'Awake,' I got to do a drama, and with 'Anger… — Daniela Bobadilla Copy Share Image
I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Americans are funny people: first you shock them, then they put you in a museum. — Mick Jagger Copy Share Image
Judging people is one of the greatest man sin. Remember, God made us, and it means you were also judging God and… — Originals Aneeli Copy Share Image
With comedy it's all about timing and presence on screen, as the words are there but you have to say them right… — Michelle Keegan Copy Share Image
“Laughter feels like our flotation device -- it won't pull us out of the storm, but it might carry us through, if… — Emery Lord Copy Share Image
I'm such a comedy fan that I just love laughing and so admire comedians who have brought me joy. — Miranda Hart Copy Share Image
My parents' marriage is a gift to everyone around them - 60 years of making their kids laugh. How many parents are… — Louise Erdrich Copy Share Image
“You know, when a beautiful bleeding woman shows up at your door, it's common courtesy to let her in or help her… — Allison Ivy Copy Share Image
I can't write a joke. I could never write. I do a lot of stories and I call them stories, but they're… — Ron Shock Copy Share Image
“When you have no job, There will be no money, No money you die. That's why work hard” — John Yambao Copy Share Image
I like a good listener, I like a sense of humor, I like a hoe that likes a hoe just for my… — Wale Copy Share Image
To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor. — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
![“[At Boston College] I started working on the kinds of skills that you need for comedy. It's about being creative and learning to use your gift for being able to let loose and be very unself-conscious. It took me time though before I was really able to get comfortable doing that.” quote by Amy Poehler](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/5d5/amy-poehler-1084_able_at-boston-college-i-started-working-on-t_2516217.jpg)
