“You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don’t go nutty on me.” — Nicki Elson Copy Share Image
“I've sort of been slacking off in my voodoo studies.I've trigonometry, you know?” — Kendare Blake Copy Share Image
I wasn't necessarily looking to do comedy on TV, but I don't think it's an accident that I ended up on 'Community.' — Gillian Jacobs Copy Share Image
What's the difference between Justin Bieber and an abortion? I'd pay to see an abortion. — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
“Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tradegy for the poor.” — Sholom Aleichem Copy Share Image
“At times I think I can hear my brain screaming, "I am reading here, so please, all other body parts, do your… — Camron Wright Copy Share Image
I think, for me, humour needs to be used like a strong spice - sparingly. — George Murray Copy Share Image
“There's only one way of escaping trouble; and that's killing things." Henry Higgins, Act V, Pygmalion” — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
“Wow, she doesn't have any bones. Like, at all. Where the f*ck are her bones? Am I still drunk? Did I sleep… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“...Most attackers aren't going to be dissuaded by a witty remark." "That's profiling," said Mattheus. "Maybe they're Oscar Wilde fans." "He did… — Amy Fecteau Copy Share Image
“What if a pair of us head off on our own?" Nollin proposed, panting. "A small detachment might avoid detection." "It's a… — Brandon Mull Copy Share Image
“You believe what he's saying - that they're demons?" Simon nods. "Like, from hell?'" "No," Rafa says, "from Comic-Con." He shakes his… — Paula Weston Copy Share Image
I was doing Facebook comedy videos; then I moved over to Instagram, and then I hopped on Twitter. That is where I… — Lil Nas X Copy Share Image
“Now then, Mr. Crab," said the zebra, "here are the people I told you about; and they know more than you do,… — L. Frank Baum Copy Share Image
“Calais took all of a fraction of a second—I've yet to learn how to gauge his speed—to appear beside me, taking the… — Hayden Thorne Copy Share Image
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Oh right,P and P ,” J.D. said. “You know, Tyler, you might want to pick up your balls—I think they just fell… — Julie James Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever made any conscious decision to be a comic artist, but to me there's something quite anarchic about… — David Shrigley Copy Share Image
My dad was a poet. He saw the world through unique glasses, with simplicity, spirituality, and humor. — John Carter Cash Copy Share Image
“Remember, so swashing anyone into the trunk of your car!” “Sure,” Lula said, “I know that” — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
“there’s a big empty box filled with packaging peanuts and it’s totally calling my name.” — H.M. Ward Copy Share Image
What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Thank God for the beautiful day! :) and thank God for making me BEAUTIFUL — Meow Opre Copy Share Image
“I don't now how you could not kid about love and still claim to have a sense of humor” — Richard Russo Copy Share Image
One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes. — Desi Arnaz Copy Share Image
Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as 'Call Me God') to KCMG ('Kindly Call Me God') to .. the GCMG… — Anthony Sampson Copy Share Image
“Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
At times we were criticized for doing too much slapstick. I don't believe in mild comedy, and neither does Lucy. — Desi Arnaz Copy Share Image
I love it if comedy reflects real life because to me it's more reassuring that we'll get through. — James L. Brooks Copy Share Image
“For the first time I realized I could be more than a crawling little pile of bones and flesh in a onesie.” — Sarah Lofgren Copy Share Image
“The only people who spoke to her were Jimmy Vaughn, who was sweet when he wasn’t wasted, though he was wasted all… — Sarra Manning Copy Share Image
If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“Have you got something against faith?” “Have you got something against reason?” — Sam Hunter Copy Share Image
I've always been an actor. I've always approached all my comedy as an actor. — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
For my money, I don't think there's been a better comedy than 'Kung Fu Hustle' in a lot of years. That movie… — Adam McKay Copy Share Image
I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
“Just what the doctor ordered, he says. A bottle of lemonade, a hard-boiled egg, and Thou.” — Margaret Atwood Copy Share Image
“I've never been in love, but if a penguin can find a soul mate, I'm sure I can, too.” — Rebekah Crane Copy Share Image
