Humor Quotes · Page 352

I think coming from a big family, it helps you to keep your sense of humor about certain things... even politics.

— Jean Kennedy Smith

“I cross two fingers, a binary precaution against hex, effective as superconductor or simple superstition.”

— Neil Gaiman

“I rein myself in. I’m already breaking up with the guy. I don’t have to ruin his favorite movie.”

— Philip Siegel

Comedy is like magic. If you don't see where the trick is going, it's entertaining.

— Deon Cole

I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's…

— Brad Williams

“Do whatever you want. Break stuff, touch your penis or boobs to anything, whatever.”

— Eugene Mirman

“Why think about tomorrow today, when you don’t even know if there will be a tomorrow, or if there is, if you’ll…

— Art Hochberg

“Pain, Rhuan decided, did not simply hurt. Pain also exhausted a person, sapped his soul, thinned his spirit. Worse, pain was tedious.”

— Jennifer Roberson

“Oh, I can picture myself rattling along Route 66 on that thing, headphones on, singing along to ZZ Top's 'Sharp Dressed Man'…

— Billy Connolly

“Bream Mortimer was tall and thin. He had small bright eyes and a sharply curving nose. He looked much more like a…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“When he and Wally stopped laughing, Homer said, ‘I’ve never seen the ocean, you know.’ ‘Candy, did you hear that?’ Wally asked,…

— John Irving

“Holding up my credit card so Gilley could see, I snipped it in half. 'You act like I don't have the numbers,…

— Victoria Laurie

I never know what my next thing is going to be, and I'm not out there specifically searching for one thing in…

— Hilary Swank

When I was 14, I told my mother I was going to drop out of high school and go do stand-up comedy.…

— Margaret Cho

I was ballet dancing at four, playing piano by six, and doing commercials by 12. When I was 21, I was on…

— Roselyn Sanchez

“It is customary to have vampires in stories nowadays - they are quite the norm, just like wicked stepmothers used to be.…

— Jane De Suza

“The three now faced the moving wall. Trapped, like the last fries in a box with a hungry kid ready to pounce.…

— S.W. Lothian

“The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.”

— Douglas Adams

“How many of you knew what the Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle was? An idea in the book years ago, and now…

— Neil Leckman

“I help others because I can, not because I expect something in return.”

— Amy Manemann

“Cash or check, cash or check. Cash is better than check. Check, check, check, have a bowl of checkers, but keep a…

— Mary E. Warner

I was an incredible Anglophile. I found people who shared the same sense of humor and attitude toward the world.

— Terry Gilliam

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to…

— Tim Vine

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.

— Kevin Costner

There are many things we can live without but a sense of humor is not one of them!

— Judy Woodruff

A lot of my comedy is to do with being angry, then finding a way to channel that.

— Julia Davis

“I'm not really crazy about all this tit-for-tat stuff. I'm always asked to be the one to first give up the tit.”

— Karen E. Quinones Miller

Sure, the comedians who swear or use scatological humor can get laughs, but they're uncomfortable laughs.

— John Ratzenberger

“Selling is a painful necessity, buying is what makes it all worthwhile.”

— Steven E. Landsburg

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

— Henny Youngman

I love comedy. That's what I really look forward to doing. Enough of this heavy drama.

— Mariette Hartley

“Mother nature is a fickle and forgetful bitch," she snapped. "She needs a helping hand and I am trying to hurry her…

— Sabrina Jeffries

The best things in life must come by effort from within, not by gifts from the outside.

— Fred Pierce Corson

I prefer situational or character-based humor to gross-out gags and comedic set pieces.

— Ari Graynor

Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.

— Marilyn Vos Savant

I love comedy and I did a few gigs here and there but it never really took off. It was too scary.

— George Groves

The people in New York - their humor is on a level that goes, uh, very deep, you know?

— Elaine Stritch

“It is possible to compromise in certain areas when choosing a partner for life, but never on a cravat.”

— Amanda Grange

Most of the humor comes from how outrageous the situations and circumstances are.

— Mark Wahlberg

If somebody is not on the same page with me humor wise, I can't give them that.

— Stephan Pastis