P.G. Wodehouse

“He is England's premier fiend in human shape.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“Aunts Aren't Gentlemen”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“I started m-p-h-ing it homewards in a thrice”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“I shuttered from hairdo to shoe-sole”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“I just sit at my typewriter and curse a bit.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“All nice girls sketch a little.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“We Woosters can bite the bullet.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“cats on hot bricks could take hints from me”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“There is no pathos more bitter than that of parting from someone we have never met.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“I must explain Henry early, to avoid disappointment.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“This woman always made Freddie feel as if he were being disemboweled by some clumsy amateur.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“Her eye was aflame, and she spoke like Cleopatra telling an Ethiopian slave where he got off.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“Well, ha-jolly-ha to YOU, young Stiffie-- with knobs on!”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“He was really only a sort of detective, a species”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“What a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across primeval swamps...”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“Liz," said Mr. Cootes, lost in admiration, "when it comes to doping out a scheme, you're the snake's eyebrows!”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“I don't know why it is, but women who have anything to do with Opera, even if they're only studying for it,…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“she was usually keenly susceptible to weather conditions and reveled in sunshine like a kitten.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“But those who read thrillers are an impatient race. They chafe at scenic rhapsodies and want to get on to the rough…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“You can’t fling the hands up in a passionate gesture when you are driving a car at fifty miles an hour. Otherwise,…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes." "He's always taking something - generally food.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“There is a point beyond which the human brain loses its kinship with the Infinite and becomes a mere seething mass of…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“It was as if Dante had recommended some lost soul in the Inferno to occupy his mind by knitting jumpers.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“She was, in short, melted by his distress, as so often happens with the female sex. Poets have frequently commented on this.…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“What are you giving us?" "Cold consomme, a cutlet, and a savoury, sir. With lemon-squash, iced." "Well, I don't see how that…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“What I mean is, if you're absolutely off your rocker, but don't find it convenient to be scooped into the luny-bin, you…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“Too often on such occasions one feels, as I feel so strongly with regard to poor old Stilton, that the kindly thing…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“I’m not absolutely certain of my facts, but I rather fancy it’s Shakespeare—or, if not, it’s some equally brainy lad—who says that…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“The ideal girl . . . would be kind. That was because she would also be extremely intelligent, and, being extremely intelligent,…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“Bream Mortimer was tall and thin. He had small bright eyes and a sharply curving nose. He looked much more like a…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“These are the times that try men's souls. It's never pleasant to be caught in the machinery when a favourite comes unstitched,…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“He's quite a bit of a snob, you know, and when he hears I'm going to marry the daughter of an earl…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“Do you mind not intoning the responses, Jeeves?" I said. "This is a most complicated story for a man with a headache…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“Apparently that dog of hers joined you in the water.” Yes, that’s right, he took his dip with the rest of us.…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“I could still see that Pauline was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever met, but of the ancient fire…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“He will lunch with you at your flat tomorrow at one-thirty. Please remember that he drinks no wine, strongly disapproves of smoking,…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“Few things are more difficult in this world for a young man than the securing of an introduction to the right girl…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“A ripe suggestion," I said. "Where are you meeting her? At the Ritz?" "Near the Ritz." He was geographically accurate. About fifty…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“It was some time before this happened, for he had got a very fine hand indeed. I suppose it wasn't often that…

— P.G. Wodehouse