Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners. — Arthur Smith Copy Share Image
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
When people tell me that my films make them smile, I feel like I'm doing a social service by making these light-hearted… — Priyadarshan Copy Share Image
“Never in his life had he hit a girl, nor would he. But, right now, he wanted to kick that NSA cutie… — Shane Scollins Copy Share Image
People who start a sentence with personally ought to be thrown to the lions. It's a repulsive habit. — Georgette Heyer Copy Share Image
“Not much more than a broke disgrace who's hooked on tonics, so excuse him if his poker face has puke on it.” — Hannibal Lecture Copy Share Image
There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away… — Will Durst Copy Share Image
“Somewhere in a Galaxy so, far away there's a person with more Twitter followers than you.” — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I love comedy with a passion, and I hope that shows in my work. I would never want to move an inch… — Darren Boyd Copy Share Image
“We were in such good moods, we even decided to hit Todd's house for candy. Sam rang the doorbell, and when it… — Kristin Walker Copy Share Image
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
I always think it is kind of funny when it comes to wisdom, and I say God has a sense of humor,… — Benjamin Carson Copy Share Image
“Was Charles I too stubborn to listen to reason? Could Civil War have been averted if the king had been more willing… — Antonia Fraser Copy Share Image
I'd say that that is a challenge, but it also is, again, it's helpful. It's helpful to have the discipline of, okay,… — Brian Henson Copy Share Image
So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an… — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“Thought of blowing your brains out?" William blinked, startled. "No." "That's good. Anything else is bound to be an improvement, isn't it?” — Diana Gabaldon Copy Share Image
I love physical comedy. Comedy that comes from an emotional place is amazing too and lets me develop in a new way… — Eden Sher Copy Share Image
“Happiness is seeing Bear Bluff in your rearview mirror, but you better look damn quick.” — James Patterson Copy Share Image
“Trying to fall out of love is like trying to climb a mountain. Blindfolded, on crutches, naked in a hail storm.” — Louise Caiola Copy Share Image
The real heart of comedy is uncovering a truth about yourself or about the world that you didn't see. — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
“My profanity has a certain religious flavor that can only be learned through a lifetime of Catholic education.” — Emma Chase Copy Share Image
I’m glad you think so. I’ve always considered my sense of humor to be largely underappreciated, so it’s nice to finally meet… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
“Goodnight, screwballs, you’re goddam lucky you got each other; no one in their right mind would wantcha.” — Laurie Loveman Copy Share Image
A clever, imagination, humorous request can open closed doors and closed minds. — Percy Ross Copy Share Image
“Can I help you?" said the footman. Richard had been told to fuck off and die with more warmth and good humor.” — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
“It was just as all the Kettral said: You went to Hook to escape your problems and came back with a dozen… — Brian Staveley Copy Share Image
I don't have to change anything. I think that's the secret to comedy. You want to be universal and appeal to everyone. — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
“Whoever this man was, he seemed to have less life than anyone in the cemetery. Above or below ground.” — Anthony Horowitz Copy Share Image
Ghetto humor is the social twin of fantasy; together they sustain the powerless, who accomplish miracles through illusion. — Sheila Ballantyne Copy Share Image
I am a huge believer - I always have been - in the power of comedy. That comedy will break hatred and… — Jeffrey Tambor Copy Share Image
“A blanket is a tell-all story about its endeavors with certain highly publicized people and their somewhat promiscuous acts.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
“Hört auf zu streiten, oder ich tue so, als ob ich in Ohnmacht falle. Vielleicht schreie ich auch ein bisschen.” — Kai Meyer Copy Share Image
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids. — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
When once you have got hold of a vulgar joke, you may be certain that you have got hold of a subtle… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
When my erection lasts for more than 4 hours after taking Viagra, I don't go see a doctor, I go see a… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
“Hells, Nori-girl, if the Ell called me on it in council, I'd have to swear by the second moon that you couldn't… — Tara K. Harper Copy Share Image
“If you must break a rule, break it on purpose. That includes this rule.” — Josh Steimle Copy Share Image
