There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the… — Jessamyn West Copy Share Image
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more vodka. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It was funny if you looked at it right quick, but it got pitiful if you thought about it awhile.” — Zora Neale Hurston Copy Share Image
“I've seen a baby born. And, ahem, I know what made it. But I'm not telling, you'd never believe me.” — N.D. Wilson Copy Share Image
Well yes I think laughter is joyous, laughter is crucial. I think thats why I love comedy and thats why Im in… — Mike Wozniak Copy Share Image
“He was afraid to pick up the baby. If he touched it, it might bond with him or something. Or he might… — Judith Arnold Copy Share Image
I think of comedy as my man: it's the one thing I can always rely on that will keep me safe, keep… — Tiffany Haddish Copy Share Image
When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
I'm not mad keen on comedy that points the finger at people and ridicules them. I don't find that very funny. I… — Caroline Quentin Copy Share Image
“He knew for a fact that he was so hopelessly bad at seeing through camouflage that, if left alone in the forest,… — Sorin Suciu Copy Share Image
Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was… — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
I became an actor by accident. I suppose I figured since I was in musical comedy from the time I was a… — Christopher Walken Copy Share Image
Thirdly, the explorationists are willing to only move equipment during the winter, which means they'll be on ice roads, and remove the… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“I came into the room, which was half dark, and presently spotted Lord Kelvin in the audience and realised that I was… — Ernest Rutherford Copy Share Image
“I’m hungry,” Jason grumbled as he stared at the empty plates on his small coffee table. Brad groaned, “You practically ate both… — R.L. Mathewson Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night... you were crying over spilt ink screaming "the words, the what could have been… — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math. — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
Whenever I'm near you,I undergo anaerobic respiration because you take my breath away. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't think comedy comes from hotbeds of doing shtick. I think it usually comes from some kind of childhood humiliation or… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
“Famous ancient proverb say: Learn to laugh at your own misfortunes, everyone else is!” — Ancient Copy Share Image
“Laughter is the plangent reflection of pain. Laughter acts as a tonic, the surcease for pain.” — Kilroy J. Oldster Copy Share Image
Suddenly, if I were to be seen in a sex comedy, it wouldn't be acceptable to my fans. — Alok Nath Copy Share Image
You don't drink to drown your sorrows, you drink to give them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. — John Alejandro King Copy Share Image
“I have three sets of humor. One I keep in a bag of salt, because it’s the dry one. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He gave a wry smile. With all this vigilant vigils on virginity, you would think the country would have controlled its population… — Mallika Nawal Copy Share Image
Comedy is not something that had necessarily jumped out as something I'd immediately go for. — Ed Speleers Copy Share Image
The thing I don't get about paedophilia... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy? — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
J.K. Rowling Cinderella? Snow White? What's that? An illness? J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — JK Rowling Copy Share Image
“She wondered what he looked like with his hat off and wondered again if he knew he was funny.” — Elmore Leonard Copy Share Image
“He could do this. He'd survived boot camp. He'd survived combat and the harsh weather of Afghanistan. He could survive broccoli. Probably.” — Shannon Stacey Copy Share Image
“I opened my mouth to respond, then decided to do that thing where you think before you speak.” — Jessi Kirby Copy Share Image
“Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you.” — Myrna Ericksen Copy Share Image
I have never understood why it should be considered derogatory to the Creator to suppose that he has a sense of humour. — William Ralph Inge Copy Share Image
“Never approach a crying woman entering a sports bar carrying a harpoon gun.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Then she remarked that marriage was a serious matter. To which I answered: "No.” — Albert Camus Copy Share Image
I have such a girl-crush on Reese Witherspoon. I would love to do a comedy with her. — Jenna Dewan Copy Share Image
“Doubts, sure I have them, but they won't feed you or put a roof over your head.” — Hank Eng Copy Share Image
