Our bodies are always exposed to Satan. The maladies I suffer are not natural, but Devil's spells. — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
She has pretentious conversations about art house films. I have pretentious conversations about porno clips. We were doomed from the start … — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
Fancy and humour, early and constantly indulged in, may expect an old age overrun with follies. — Isaac Watts Copy Share Image
“Son-- "We don't need ladders, we have obsidian, bro." Mommy's thoughts-- "………… …fucking minecraft” — Mel Brown Copy Share Image
“Mrs. Palmer is a teacher so naturally I assumed she would never do anything good for me.” — Jim Benton Copy Share Image
I'm not a professional comedian. Nobody comes to my comedy shows. That's just a little hobby. — David Rees Copy Share Image
“Life is all about exploring yourself, discovering yourself and grooming yourself, then you will surely stop negative thinking.” — Ehabib Copy Share Image
Humor is a great defense, and an offense too. Usually the recipient isn't too happy about it, but the people around are… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk.… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Fear and shame are the backbone of my self-control. They are my source of inspiration, my insurance against becoming entirely unacceptable. They… — Allie Brosh Copy Share Image
“They don't fit you?" V asked his roommate. "Not the point. No offense, but these are wicked Village People." Butch held his… — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
A lot of comedy clubs are set up with people sitting at little tables and you have everything from the way they… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
“When I am alone, my table manners are rather piggish, but i suppose that's because I don't eat at a table, I… — Kelli Jae Baeli Copy Share Image
“There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The fictitious men in romance novels fall… — Oliver Markus Malloy Copy Share Image
“I say, sah! Sorry to trouble you to get off your big fat bottom and help a poor gel out!" "I would… — Brian Jacques Copy Share Image
I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“I'd been preparing myself to apologize. Forgive and forget, as Mom says. "Fuck you," I said.” — Tara Kelly Copy Share Image
“You can tell all that about me from your measuring tape?' 'Well, I use the metric system, It's the only way to… — Catherynne M. Valente Copy Share Image
“You can’t cry about everything in life, Princess. You’d get a nasty headache. Also, snot. Massive amounts of snot.” — Christie Valentine Powell Copy Share Image
Richard Lester is a wonderful director, a great comedy director, of course. — Malcolm McDowell Copy Share Image
“The massive lump of flesh that has created you, me, and maybe, animals, everything that has life will forever live.” — Michael Bassey Johnson Copy Share Image
“You know your marriage is in trouble when your wife would rather listen to a cackling drug lord than accept your apology.” — Red Tash Copy Share Image
Comedy teams are a real hard thing to do. That's why you don't see any of them. — Cheech Marin Copy Share Image
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..." — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“[The building] had been designed by an architect, so it bore little resemblance to any normal structure.” — Gary Corby Copy Share Image
“The one Jack had picked up was clearly of the flower/nature variety if he was vomiting foliage.” — Missouri Dalton Copy Share Image
“But they are murderers, madam! I am afraid of murderers! (Jeffery, the footman in The Pirate Next Door)” — Jennifer Ashley Copy Share Image
“Rape humor is designed to remind women that they are still not quite equal.” — Roxane Gay Copy Share Image
“Can we just be grateful for beauty & joy, fascination & tolerance, humour & love, nature & grace, and simply release any anger and pains?” — Jay Woodman Copy Share Image
Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Do you know why the Lord withheld the sense of humor from women? So that we may love you instead of laugh… — Mrs. Patrick Campbell Copy Share Image
I'm often confronted with people being like, 'Ahhh, drama is killing comedy.' It's not, it's a different genre. — Jamie Demetriou Copy Share Image
Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
“As I pressed the doorbell button it popped off the wall and hung by two colored cords. Obviously it didn’t work, so… — Elle Klass Copy Share Image
Writing a whole series was a crash course in screenwriting, which is a very different muscle to standup comedy writing. — Ronny Chieng Copy Share Image
“Worry wasn’t an emotion to which he was particularly accustomed—and it worried him.” — Sol Luckman Copy Share Image
My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
“Atty’s eyes rested on Darby with all the subtlety of a dog watching his food bowl being filled!” — Tricia Murphy Copy Share Image
“humor is a spiritual journey to see the world in a unique, amusing way.” — Ed Toolis Copy Share Image
![“[The building] had been designed by an architect, so it bore little resemblance to any normal structure.” quote by Gary Corby](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/d21/gary-corby-63798_architect_the-building-had-been-designed-by-an-arc_2415885.jpg)
