Eddie Izzard

I'm covered in bees!

— Eddie Izzard

So my choice is 'Or Death?

— Eddie Izzard

“Cake or death?”

— Eddie Izzard

I'm a one-man idiot.

— Eddie Izzard

I'm an Action Transvestite.

— Eddie Izzard

Cake and tea or death?

— Eddie Izzard

“Have you got a flag?”

— Eddie Izzard

Most transvestites fancy girls.

— Eddie Izzard

Peace, peace, peace. Peace is organized.

— Eddie Izzard

I'm a dyslexic person, so I avoid books.

— Eddie Izzard

Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.

— Eddie Izzard

You're gay, you sell books... you probably shag the books.

— Eddie Izzard

I'd like to have sex with myself.

— Eddie Izzard

They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.

— Eddie Izzard

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

— Eddie Izzard

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

— Eddie Izzard

“Despair is the fuel of terrorism, and hope is the fuel of civilization,”

— Eddie Izzard

“Very advanced fashion almost joins up with having no fashion sense at all.”

— Eddie Izzard

I just believe in the # goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

— Eddie Izzard

You say 'erbs, and we say Herbs because there's a f*****g H in it!

— Eddie Izzard

And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.

— Eddie Izzard

If there were a god, don't you think he would have flicked Hitler's head off?

— Eddie Izzard

You can't land on the moon and say, "Ooh, it's all sticky! It's covered in jam!

— Eddie Izzard

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

— Eddie Izzard

No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I…

— Eddie Izzard

I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can…

— Eddie Izzard

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was…

— Eddie Izzard

I am encyclopaedic on World War II. My dad took me to D-Day beaches when I was a kid. I was there…

— Eddie Izzard

I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy…

— Eddie Izzard

“I think this should be called non-victim behavior. A surprise offer of bright cheeriness and self-confidence on people who were probably about…

— Eddie Izzard

Spiders frighten me. In response to the spider alerts for Australia, please can the Australian government remove all spiders from Australia and…

— Eddie Izzard

I'm working on a speed boat at the moment. Much more exciting. It'll really kick ass, give great photographs for the people…

— Eddie Izzard

“Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, "arararar", and occasionally, they stop and go, oh, uh, ah, as if…

— Eddie Izzard

If you think about determination, if people have a heart and are determined, they can get to that place. But there are…

— Eddie Izzard

Fox hunting, there's big fox hunting thing, there's arguments in Britain about fox hunting. And they go around. They obviously hunt foxes…

— Eddie Izzard

I just play to progressive audiences. You know, if they're watching Discovery Channel, History Channel, that kind of thing, "Monty Python" have…

— Eddie Izzard

When you're more mature, you do start telling the truth, in odd situations. "I'm sorry, I've broken a glass here. Is that…

— Eddie Izzard

Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area,…

— Eddie Izzard

“I’ve learnt that you’ve got to be really non-apologetic... You’ve got to say, ‘Hi, I’m here, can I have a cup of…

— Eddie Izzard

Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world.…

— Eddie Izzard