Humor Quotes · Page 354

“There was a long silence while they sat there staring at each other, a moment that was rudely interrupted by the sound…

— Philip Caveney

“Ish #303 "It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.”

— Regina Griffin

“There's ten thousand wyes a hen can get into a gairden, but only the wan wye she can get oot, and it's…

— Neil Munro

When I'm playing comedy, it is such a crap shoot of what will work and what won't.

— Elaine Stritch

“My boyfriend is named Percocet," I say. "We're very close. I even went to Europe with him last summer.”

— E. Lockhart

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are…

— Mark Twain

“Black and portentous must this humour prove, Unless good counsel may the cause remove.”

— William Shakespeare

“Treat me like a king and I'll treat you like a queen…..Treat me like a queen and off with your head”

— Josh Stern

“For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I flopped on the overstuffed kitchen couch and watched him go. I wondered what would happen to all his films and photographs…

— Joan Bauer

People come up to me as I leave the stage after a performance and tell me tey saw my mother onstage with…

— Lorna Luft

“Karen Owens has captured this witty little paradox in equally engaging verse:   Can omniscient God, who Knows the future, find The…

— Richard Dawkins

My mom is two people to me. She's my mom number one, and then she's this lady most comedians know as being…

— Pauly Shore

“The princess turns to him, serious. 'You are the one my great-grandfather spoke of: a denizen of Earth wearing a dirty apron…

— Anonymous

“We need to get you to stop thinking of me as a friend, and start thinking of me as that incredibly hot…

— Elle Parker

“I don't know why anyone would be scared of a homeless person. The truly scary people are all the murder mystery writers.…

— Shannon L. Alder

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.

— Steven Wright

William Devane was amazing [ in The Grinder] - that we were able to reinvent an acting legend as a comedy star…

— Rob Lowe

“It's not that I can't express myself, it's that I still feel present when I'm not expressing myself.”

— Kim Myungsoo

“Now, when any vicious simpleton excites my disgust by his paltry ribaldry…”

— Charlotte Brontë

In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

— Marc Maron

“He then departed, to make himself still more interesting, in the midst of an heavy rain.”

— Jane Austen

“To think that between a Hamburger and a Humburger, she would - invariably, with icy precision - plump for the former.”

— Vladimir Nabokov

John Connally's conversion to the GOP raised the intellectual level of both parties.

— Frank Mankiewicz

I love the Russians for their verve, their melancholia, their vivacity, their unpredictability, and their humour.

— Miranda Otto

“An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.”

— H.L. Mencken

A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a witty person, but a pebble in the hands of a fool.

— Anonymous

“I like difficult old women, she said. I'm in training to be one myself.”

— Rosina Lippi

If it's comedy, you taken an absurd comedic notion and you apply it to reality. If it's horror, if it's a thriller,…

— Jordan Peele

My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.

— Jimmy Carr

Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.

— Robin Williams

“These were wannabe elites who, once they popped on big-boy pants, would be infiltrating New York with their pretentiousness.”

— Alexandra Martin

Comedy is my proper job. It's what I should be doing, and when I do other bits like my science series, I…

— Ben Miller

If someone makes you feel wrong-footed, you're unlikely to find them witty.

— Rosamund Pike

I was the other man, basically. The OB which is lingo for original boyfriend not obstetrician was just ridiculous looking.

— Anonymous

Humor is a very big part of life, and if you exclude humor from your book, you're not capturing a very important…

— Joshua Ferris

Some of the best comedy comes from squeezing humour from tragedy and struggle, but the main pursuit of comedy should be laughter.

— Romesh Ranganathan

Without humor, a sports fan is a religious fanatic. Without humor, a newscast is a terrible, depressing, unpalatable thing.

— Keith Olbermann

“There is the only way to change your life and it is to make it better.”

— Sergey Vedenyo

“Of all the things God created, from sunrises and rainbows, to black holes and humor, cats are the most fascinating to me.
”

— Jarod Kintz