Humor Quotes · Page 356

“You show up at these meetings to stay sober and you walk out with a fucking education.”

— Lawrence Block

“It’s an awful thing to hear a strong, desperate, fat man scream incontinently in a cave at daybreak.”

— O. Henry

“I must try this again, I thought; I must try again someday to sit still and not say a word. Maybe when…

— Nora Ephron

She had...the glimmerings of a sense of humour - which is simply another name for a sense of the fitness of things.

— Anonymous

“What the hell kind of bed you giving us, anyways? We don't want no pants rabbits.”

— John Steinbeck

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

— Steve Martin

I'm very, very open minded, but there will always be a spot in my heart for the comedy pieces.

— Dylan Llewellyn

A good friend helps you when you fall. A Best Friends laughs in your face and trips you again!

— Anonymous

I think it's harder to go from comedy to drama than from drama to comedy. Seeing you dramatic all the time, they…

— Evan Peters

I was voted Most Humorous in my senior class in high school, and I was a fan of comedy, my whole life.…

— Rob Riggle

I hear that I'm funny, and I think I'm funny, but I go in all the time for multicam, and they say…

— Kirby Bliss Blanton

It took getting on TikTok and people having the opportunity to see my comedy to realize like oh, there's actually a lot…

— Matt Rife

“Girls at war opt for a quieter cruelty than fistfights and drive-by shootings. Girls circumvent the corporeal and go straight for each…

— Jillian Lauren

“The Blue Hose of Presbyterian College and the Ichabods of Washburn University are perhaps the most amusing nicknames in collegiate sports; Blue…

— Gregg Easterbrook

I did not intend to write a funny book, at first. I did not know I was a humorist. I have never…

— Jerome K. Jerome

Steven Alan Green is ONE funny writer ---- Everything I read of yours makes me laugh and think - Not just the…

— Taylor Negron

Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had…

— Frankie Boyle

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

— Anonymous

“People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do.”

— Sean Keogh

“And just as I thought that my happy ending was beginning, it had to end so soon even though it hadn't started…

— Kristine Cuevas

Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That's the new American dream.

— Natasha Leggero

“Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though.”

— Robert DeCoteau

A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.

— Mitch Hedberg

I think he needs to stand up and say if he thought the president were wrong on policy and issues, he ought…

— George W. Bush

“I'll email you,” he says as if he's asking me into the cellar to taste his vintage champagne.”

— Poppet

I love comedy. I love the absurdity of it. I love the kind of intelligence that's required to be dumb in comedy.

— Craig Mazin

I'm not a big 'scripted comedy' person necessarily. I'm open for wherever comedy can be found.

— Jonathan Krisel

“So, what you’re basically telling me is death is boring but no worse than hanging out with family.”

— John Zakour

I'm not temperamentally into high comedy. I'm not a Noel Coward kind of girl.

— Kelly Reilly

“Ah, bless. I've missed her. Do you have bullets?" "Uh, no." Skulduggery paused. "Excellent.”

— Derek Landy

I'm not interested in making horror-comedies, but I'm very interested in making scary movies with funny parts.

— Jason Blum

When we can find some humor in our upsets, they no longer seem as large or as important as they once did.

— Allen Klein

“Her head titled to the side and her eyebrows crept up her face. It was her uh-durrr face, she was just too…

— H.M. Ward

“Goodnight baby, sleep in peace. After you kill that bitch!" "Goodnight mom!”

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

The thing about comedy is it gives you a platform to expose your own shortcomings, so it becomes a public display of…

— Hannah Gadsby

If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?

— Calvin Trillin

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

— Frank Carson

“If you wanted me to take a shower, you should have payed me ten bucks like you usually do!”

— James Patterson

I get more satisfaction out of comedy stuff. I'm a laugh tart. I make no secret of that fact.

— Hugh Grant

I think the combination of action and the combination of comedy are two really, really good genres to meld together.

— Neal H. Moritz