“I think there is a difference between comic essays and war reporting, and people can tell that.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“We've all got trashy friends, but we should choose our trashy friends with more care.” — Dominick Dunne Copy Share Image
Why can't we give the American people a break and separate humor from politics? — Dan Crenshaw Copy Share Image
“Our names and titles are assigned randomly by a small monkey who has been fed an exceedingly large amount of gin.” — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
“O sangramento da lua só me deixa abalada durante três dias num mês. Uma pila torna um homem potencialmente estúpido a qualquer… — Anne Bishop Copy Share Image
Even going on stage is a service because it brings people up from thinking about their lost job or their lost spouse… — Lisa Lampanelli Copy Share Image
“ I Believe in Bonnie and Clyde the sign read. Finn read it again, and then again, not sure what to make… — Amy Harmon Copy Share Image
I've heard too many times where people say that I'm this ultra-serious guy. In truth, I've got an extremely absurd sense of… — Phil Anselmo Copy Share Image
“Occasionally, merely for the pleasure of being cruel, we put unoffending Frenchmen on the rack with questions framed in the incomprehensible jargon… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There was one dude in a jeans jacket who I swear to God shit in his pants when all of a sudden… — Tommy Lee Copy Share Image
“(On differences between men and boys) Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on… — Mindy Kaling Copy Share Image
“First of all, this goes no further than this room." "Agreed," she said quickly. Anthony looked pointedly at Simon. "Of course," he… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
American television constantly tries to co-op British comedy and create their own version of it. Most of the time it doesn't work;… — Chris Hardwick Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I look at my laughter lines and wonder what on earth could have been that funny.” — Mark Lamprell Copy Share Image
'Rubberneck' has nothing to do with comedy, nor does it follow comedic people. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.” — Amy Summers Copy Share Image
“Have you ever listened to folk music? Let's face it, a lot of folk music is all about dead sailors, mad witches,… — Marie Browne Copy Share Image
I'm a Sit Down Stand Up Comedian, whatever the hell that is. Maybe a writer with a short attention span and one… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
“Gay people should be allowed to get married. Just because somebody's gay doesn't mean he shouldn't suffer like the rest of us” — Jeff Shaw Copy Share Image
One matter Englishmen don't think in the least funny is their happy consciousness of possessing a deep sense of humor. — Marshall McLuhan Copy Share Image
I was able to read poets that were - allowed me to be humorous without being silly. — Billy Collins Copy Share Image
I've done comedy most of my career, which I love, but I wanted to expand. — Katey Sagal Copy Share Image
If anything had happened to Bob, I wouldn't have carried on. Me and Bob are a comedy unit. — Vic Reeves Copy Share Image
God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“... my heart skips a beat. Seriously, like a CD from the public library, it goes ZZebbTTT and skips.” — Brent Crawford Copy Share Image
“To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“too much alcohol hampers people's ability to parent. That's why I've chosen to remain childless.” — Kyra Davis Copy Share Image
“Whoever says girls can't work in emergency services has obviously never dialed 911 and talked to a female dispatcher.” — Jun Li Kanashii Copy Share Image
“Ah ha!" the Doc screeched suddenly, wheeling around. "The salicylic acid! Maybe it SHOULD have been heated first!” — Clare Havens Copy Share Image
“A pelican that is wet walks with a gaited limp, and the dry fish swims alone.” — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
“What...what about when I'm married?” “We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits.” — Stephanie Perkins Copy Share Image
“That’s rich, coming from you, Hellcat, I would’ve thought it was impossible for a Vampire to get grey hairs until I met… — Sharon Hannaford Copy Share Image
The No 1 priority in TV comedy today is 'don't frighten the horses,' and it's probably No 2 and 3 as well. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.' — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
In fact, I don't watch a lot of contemporary comedy for fear of being influenced by it. — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
