Humor Quotes · Page 316

Sometimes I make my life a living hell by writing complex stories with complex characters. But I love it.

— Anonymous

“Hrun the Barbarian, who was practilly an academic by Hub standards in that he could think without moving his lips.”

— Terry Pratchett

“How well I know you by your deeds and how invariably you succeed in living down to what one expects of you!”

— Alexandre Dumas

“Even though it was a tiny role, I was very proud to be a part of the comedy, which became a cult…

— Anjelica Huston

Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite.

— Dylan Moran

I don't think that because you die and move on to somewhere else that you lose your sense of humor.

— Peter Jackson

I don't think people understand what comedy is supposed to do. We will observe things, we will make fun of things.

— Neal Brennan

I'm not a bad student, my study breaks are just longer than my study time!

— Anonymous

“Father, we come to You, Father, in the name of the Father, Father we come to You, Father, Father, just, just, Father,…

— Tim Hawkins

MINSTREL, adj. Formerly a poet, singer or musician; now a nigger with a color less than skin deep and a humor more…

— Ambrose Bierce

I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped…

— Steven Wright

“Sophie coughed, and Oliver felt his cheeks becoming warm. “Don’t be an ass, Andrew.” “That’s a little bit difficult to accomplish, y’know?”…

— Zeinab Alayan

“It wasn’t right. A rescuer shouldn't have a hard-on while performing a heroic act. Charles was pretty sure there was a rule…

— Tiffany Allee

I am not considering shifting my image from action to comedy or romantic comedy. I have done or am doing films which…

— Bobby Deol

“Ryan couldn't believe his eyes. Gran wearing leather chaps in a Harley shop, talking about her ass. It was a living nightmare.…

— Kylie Gilmore

When I was a student I was very, very ambitious, completely immersed in my comedy career. I never had that period of…

— Steve Coogan

“How many great gems were lost to thought and not put down to pen. You can but think of just a few…

— L.F. Young

The number one premise of business is that it need not be boring or dull. It ought to be fun. If it's…

— Tom Peters

“In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.”

— Bill Watterson

“You will be so dead, dear Sister. Make telpon dari tadi kayak Kroasia ada di sebelah Jakarta aja. Huahahaha”

— Sitta Karina

Comedy is harder than drama, because with comedy you're expecting a result..you make them laugh. [If] they ain't laughing then you're screwed.

— Billy Bob Thornton

Prostitutes are way better than marriage. Why buy a whole cow, when you only want a glass of milk?

— Anonymous

“Love is nothing because those who do something for the love of it do it for nothing.”

— Mark Forsyth

“Really?" I say. "Can you be any more conceited?" He nods. "Yes. Yes, I can.”

— Wendy Mills

“Pheromones didn't care about tomorrow. They didn't care about education or employment or age.”

— Tracy Brogan

A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.

— Chic Murray

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.

— Abraham Lincoln

“I had a dream about you last night. It wasn't until after you sold me the talking car, I realized you were…

— Michael Summers

I guess the essence of my comedy is to get into a very abnormal situation but act like it's normal.

— Fred Willard

Laughter is the best medicine, daily dose of laughter keeps you active, your mind fresh and most of all makes you happy.

— Anonymous

I was always humorous by nature but, maybe, no one noticed it. Or, maybe, I looked just too intense or serious to…

— Abhinav Bindra

“Crazy people who are judged to be harmless are allowed an enormous amount of freedom ordinary people are denied”

— Katherine Paterson

Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious.

— Mitch Hedberg

The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is its about 50 weeks too short.

— Jarod Kintz

I'll watch a Keanu Reeves movie and I'll go, 'Wow, he's really not a very good actor!'

— Ashton Kutcher

“Ish #21 "Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat!”

— Regina Griffin

“The most powerful sex organ was the brain, you know what that means Poor Justin!”

— Sarah Strohmeyer

After the first few readings in comedy venues I did begin to write for laughs. There's something so gratifying about stimulating laughter.

— Aaron Belz

I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.

— Doug Stanhope

I have always felt that the rise of what became known as alternative comedy was born out of the loins of the…

— Tony Robinson