Humor Quotes · Page 314

“I'm going to ignore him, but he better fucking notice me ignoring him.”

— Van Krishna

I loved, like really, really loved, the humor in Jason Eisener's 'Alien Slumber Party.'

— Gareth Evans

“How long y' think it'll take t'git that wild streak out im?" "Well, Brother Tiggins, that'll depend on how long he can…

— Mars Hill

“Paying twenty-five dollars for me was your mistake, ma’am. I’m not worth more than fifteen.”

— Margaret Brownley

People ask me if I have comedy writers, and I'm like, 'Are you kidding me?'

— Ana Navarro

There's a real emphasis on being witty in Scotland, even in crime novels.

— Denise Mina

My doctors told me this morning my blood pressure is down so low that I can start reading the newspapers.

— Ronald Reagan

I'm happy and feel myself to be fortunate that I've been gifted with this art of comedy, where I can make people…

— Sunil Grover

I do feel like guys feel pressure to be funny with me, which is kind of annoying. It's a turn-off if someone's…

— Chelsea Peretti

“without warning, he sprawled forward, doing a face-plant in the snow. At first, we laughed and teased. the normally surefooted Kerrick brushed…

— Maria V. Snyder

I'm definitely more at ease with comedy - that's where I started out - and so it's my first love, so to…

— Omar Sy

“Life is too hard to maintain a constantly serious outlook. You have to laugh at yourself and the world now and then―see…

— Richelle E. Goodrich

“We're going to investigate," Fireheart meowed. "We can't decide how to get rid of these dogs until we know exactly what we…

— Erin Hunter

“Up on the stage people appeared to be dying left right and centre, and for most of the performance I had quite…

— Ali McNamara

“I jumped as Finn seemingly materialized next to me. I couldn’t tell if he was talking about the ocean or my desire…

— Kristen Day

“All right,” she said a little sarcastically. “I was going to assume you liked eating babies and sacrificing virgins, but I might…

— Nenia Campbell

“Their humor is underdog humor, a put-down of what is more powerful than they.”

— Wallace Stegner

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Yeah, well, whoever wrote that was a friggin' idiot.”

— Marley Gibson

There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about.

— Criss Jami

We did sketch comedy, performed live improv, and then we made the transition to TV with 'Impractical Jokers.'

— Joe Gatto

I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians…

— Demetri Martin

I love to bring humour into my work. Because comedy is not a huge part of the art world. And big-business film…

— James Franco

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

— Rodney Dangerfield

An adequate share of humor and laughter represents an essential part of the diet of the healthy person.

— Norman Cousins

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

— Woody Allen

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

— Adam Ferrara

“Life's a party. So smile and eat shit and pretend it's fucking caviar.”

— Nenia Campbell

I think a sense of humor vital to get through life: It's a great link between people and can be very effective…

— Rita Tushingham

A true sonnet goes eight lines and then takes a turn for better or worse and goes six or eight lines more.

— Robert Frost

People look upon me primarily as a comedian. I'm trying to get away from that, though I do like comedy.

— Fred MacMurray

I get to do physical comedy! When do women get to do physical comedy? Very rarely.

— Michaela Watkins

I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

— Bill Engvall

It is really sad that there's no recognition at the national level for comedy.

— Vivek

Comedy can take you a lot further in getting your point across. People are entertained, and then, by being entertained, they get…

— Maz Jobrani

Comedy can be fun no matter what you're playing. It always has the potential to be a blast.

— Ty Burrell

“But I might—” he bit out. “Tell me you’re not a fucking virgin.” “No, I’m not a fucking virgin. Virgins have yet…

— Lora Leigh

“So, you're telling me the zoo commissioned you to make a zombie panda in order to avoid a potential international incident.”

— Lish McBride

I'm a big fan of Albert Brooks, Nichols and May. I'd like to follow in their footsteps and do comedy films.

— Illeana Douglas

TEACHER: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?...STUDENT: A…

— Olubayo Adebiyi

“I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not…

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo