The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his… — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
“Why do I have to do the sewin'? 'Cause I'm a girl? Is that it? It ain't fair, I tell ya!” — Sean Cullen Copy Share Image
You look up at drama, down at comedy. A singer, looking up is okay. A comic, it's death. — Buddy Hackett Copy Share Image
Dear Brain, Please start being able to tell the difference between hungry and bored. Sincerely, I am getting fat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.” — Joyce Rachelle Copy Share Image
A good since of humor and someone who is loyal and cute-I like cute girls — Harry Styles Copy Share Image
So many people are in comedy because of difficult mothers or broken homes. — Judd Apatow Copy Share Image
Good films will run, and people will watch it irrespective of whether it is suspense or a comedy. — Bobby Deol Copy Share Image
If i wouldn't have done comedy, I would have been a teacher. I was really good when I took an exploratory teaching… — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
A good cartoon is always good on two or three levels: surface physical comedy, some intellectual stuff - like Warner Brothers cartoons'… — Genndy Tartakovsky Copy Share Image
I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“Abby wouldn't want you to suffer because of some jerk that kidnapped her. She would want you to go on your trip… — Ottilie Weber Copy Share Image
I remember certain people in the audience laughing and I wanted to ask: 'What are you laughing at? This isn't funny.' Now… — Jim Dale Copy Share Image
“I don’t think that God cares about what you think. It’s the actions that count. Actually He doesn’t care what you do… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“Dave walked closer to me, his dark eyes combing my every move. "Do you always hold your guitar like that?" I dropped… — Tara Kelly Copy Share Image
“He wouldn't just be facing her, he thought with genuine, back-sweating fear, but all of them. The four of them, with Mrs.… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
The #MeToo movement is insanely serious, and there's no comedy to be mined out of that. — Joel McHale Copy Share Image
“The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'check enclosed.” — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
“Clarity and focus doesn’t always come from God or inspirational quotes. Usually, it takes your mother to slap the reality back into… — Shannon Alder Copy Share Image
The secret of substitute teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you learned this afternoon. . . — Rick Sutter Copy Share Image
I think the Irish humour is unique, there are lots of aspects to it. The Irish are quick witted, and their banter… — Dylan Llewellyn Copy Share Image
“Clarification is not to clarify things. It is to put one’s self in the clear (Sir Humphrey Appleby)” — Jonathan Lynn & Anthony Jay Copy Share Image
Mel Brooks is one of the few authentic geniuses working in comedy in America today. — Gene Wilder Copy Share Image
“Promise me...that you'll...*cough*...you'll dispose of my body in the waste receptacles...conveniently located by the theater exits...” — Rich Burlew Copy Share Image
“Dying is easy, getting the dental floss off your finger and into the trash is hard.” — Gregor Collins Copy Share Image
Nobody thanks a witty man for politeness when he puts himself on a par with a society in which it would not… — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
“God's only mistakes are dogs and not giving cats opposable thumbs. Otherwise, it's a perfect world.” — Quasi Copy Share Image
Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
We find ourselves less witty in remembering what we have said than in dreaming of what we would have said. — Jean Antoine Petit-Senn Copy Share Image
“I don't believe in ONE holy book. I believe all books are holy. Of course, some books are holy shit.” — John R. Lindensmith Copy Share Image
“Man to man, my eye Kipps snorted. It was like seeing two schoolgirls squabbling over a scented pencil. You should have heard… — Jonathon Stroud Copy Share Image
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I can sing, I can act, my physical comedy is on point. I can do the splits. — Logan Paul Copy Share Image
Of the things which nourish the imagination, humour is one of the most needful, and it is dangerous to limit or destroy… — John Millington Synge Copy Share Image
I really just believe in good storytelling, and we shouldn't have to sacrifice that just because we're a comedy. — Quinta Brunson Copy Share Image
I'd like a bit of a crack at some kind of anarchic comedy, but whether or not I'm skillful enough at it… — Richard Armitage Copy Share Image
“Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch… — J. R. Ward Copy Share Image
“Make a concise statement clearly and you should only need to say it once.” — Mary Mihalic Copy Share Image
“He looks me up and down blankly. 'So. No Speedos?' 'I left them in my other bag with my muscle shirts and… — Melissa Keil Copy Share Image
Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"? — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
