In real life, I can't be earnest, I can't have a serious conversation. I will fob everything off on jokes and humour. — CMAT Copy Share Image
“He lost himself somewhere on the harmless side of lunacy, slightly south of innocuous but definetly north of demented.” — Tony Vigorito Copy Share Image
People keep saying that I'm lucky to be naturally funny, that I don't have to work at it. They are wrong. I… — Bob Crane Copy Share Image
“Neither would you, had you grown up in a library of melodramatic romance novels.” — Clementine Holzinger Copy Share Image
My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty." — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I was pretty much a child of 'Monty Python.' I grew up loving that type of humor and even structured a lot… — Michael Jai White Copy Share Image
“The fewer moving parts, the better." "Exactly. No truer words were ever spoken in the context of engineering.” — Christian Cantrell Copy Share Image
I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Some kids get called 'bundles of joy' or 'slices of heaven' or 'dreams come true.' We got 'the fifty-fourth generation of DNA… — James Patterson Copy Share Image
“The fuck?” he said. “The fuck?” said Jess. “The fuck what?” “It's an American abbreviation,” said Martin. “ «The fuck?» means «What… — Nick Hornby Copy Share Image
“The Shrink always warned me that carriers stay wracked with lifelong guilt. It's not an uplifting thing having turned lovers into monsters.… — Scott Westerfeld Copy Share Image
“If you set up your life so that the people you need you, that's ok. If you set up your life so… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about… — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
I pay a bit more than lip-service to health: I don't eat chips or pre-prepared food, and it might be a comedy… — Jo Brand Copy Share Image
There are prayers that help us last through the day, or endure the night. There are prayers of friends and strangers, that… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“However, neither occasion quite matched the levels of hilarity that ensued on the day Mr Miller sat on the corner of his… — Simon Pegg Copy Share Image
“I had an aunt named 'abnormal Shauna' once. But she passed away in an unfortunate cliff-top interpretative dance and fireworks accident.” — Joshua Donellan Copy Share Image
“He was getting to the point that he didn't understand why tax attorneys didn't just kill themselves.” — Orson Scott Card Copy Share Image
“Do you think it's ready?" I [Silenus, The Poet] asked. "It's perfect... a masterpiece." "Do you think it'll sell?" I asked. "No… — Dan Simmons Copy Share Image
“Child-- "I can't be patient, that's not a word, so don't even say it mommy." Mommy-- "What?” — Mel Brown Copy Share Image
“I know all about insanity. It's not that bad once you beat up everyone who teases you about it.” — Eve Langlais Copy Share Image
“Being with her can prove difficult, but life without her would be unbearable.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People dont even say grace before meals anymore. They just hold their phone over the plate, snap a picture, & then upload… — Onyxx Monopoly Copy Share Image
“Wizard’s work was a pleasure and a madness. No wonder the university magicians rambled at times like daft bastards.” — Lita Burke Copy Share Image
“She seemed to feed on their laughter, and they on her humor, like the lily of the pond—sustained by the very water… — Molly Collier Copy Share Image
“I swear to hold my tongue about it till the end of your worship's days, and God grant I may be able… — Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra Copy Share Image
What are your troubles are, the whether you love me. They have good humor. But I am not a joke — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
I've made a lot of crazy comedy videos and said a lot of crazy things. If it's too offensive, I apologize and… — Shane Dawson Copy Share Image
Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
If you are riding on a donkey, and someone throws a stone at you and knocks you off the donkey, would that… — Glen Rambharack Copy Share Image
Comedy is the ultimate meritocracy: if you're good at it, you'll have success. — Tom Rosenthal Copy Share Image
“What are we doing, burying bodies?" Admittedly, this would be a lace to do it. Isolated, off any main roads. "Nope. We're… — Kelley York Copy Share Image
It's so much fun to be around someone who enjoys life...someone who can find humor in almost any situation and who brings… — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
“There's no perk in being closed-minded as a minority. It's never, ever, ever going to help you, ever.” — Baratunde R. Thurston Copy Share Image
“If Jeff wished to pursue the matter he'd have to leave his beer, and I felt intuitively that he would never do… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Actors are a great subject for a comedy. They're inherently funny because, like sportsmen, they take themselves so seriously. — Matt Berry Copy Share Image
All humour is critical, you know? You make stupid jokes. I mean, stupidity is an infirmity, isn't it? — John Cleese Copy Share Image
“...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.” — Joshua Donellan Copy Share Image
“Thank God (my wife) and I were both born poor so the concept of fidelity was allowed to take root in us.” — Allan Wolf Copy Share Image
![“Do you think it's ready?" I [Silenus, The Poet] asked. "It's perfect... a masterpiece." "Do you think it'll sell?" I asked. "No fucking way.” quote by Dan Simmons](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/402/dan-simmons-968_asked_do-you-think-it-s-ready-i-silenus-the-po_2614130.jpg)
