Humor Quotes · Page 231

“Girls are so much nicer than men (apart from Tom-but homosexual).”

— Helen Fielding

“I’m going to become a beat poet and a lesbian!”

— Benjamin R. Smith

“To go beyond limits you must come to the limits first.”

— Sergey Vedenyo

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.

— Colin Quinn

“Sorry, pigtails, but subtlety isn't an option anymore.”

— T. A. Miles

“Don’t put off till tomorrow anyone you could be doing today.”

— Emma Chase

Humor is the good natured side of a truth.

— Mark Twain

It was just inebriating what Midland was all about then.

— George W. Bush

I would like to get back to making people laugh. Before drama school, I did nothing but comedy.

— Andrew Buchan

“We do need a system, and we do need you and your 'Bertos, and sometimes we need Sam to just come along…

— Michael Grant

Anybody who knows me knows that half the time I'm saying things with a somewhat humorous overtone.

— Roger Ailes

“The more attractive and athletic the character depicted on the T-shirt, the less attractive and athletic the fan wearing it”

— Nev Fountain

“Suddenly I blurted out. "I love you more than everything in the entire galaxy combined into one potent, delicious piece of gum!”

— Harvard Lampoon

“They solved the problem of coexistence through the use of individual stereo headphones.”

— Stephen Billias

People think because you give up the booze you become boring and glum, but there is humour.

— Tony Adams

“If it was appropriate to judge a person based on her footwear - and it obviously was - I decided I liked…

— chloe neill

My humour comes from acknowledging different communities. That's what my fans are responding to - they know that I 'get it.' I…

— Russell Peters

If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding…

— Tom Hiddleston

“Emily Post's Etiquette is out again, this time in a new and an enlarged edition, and so the question of what to…

— Dorothy Parker

“A king of a kingdom no one fucking knows about! I'm the tree in the forest that silently falls--when no one is…

— Kresley Cole

“You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I think you're crazy good at this survival stuff, Cary." His shoulders sag. He gives me a small, relieved smile and we…

— Courtney Summers

“What is evil?' you ask. To which I reply, 'Who are you, Friedrich Nietzsche?' To which you respond, 'Duh, wha? Me no…

— Josh Lieb

To see a comedy in an environment where you're surrounded by other people that are laughing is great. That's probably more satisfying…

— Griffin Dunne

“Darwin says people like you need to die.” (Carrow)”

— Kresley Cole

Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"

— Dylan Moran

When humor go's, there go's civilization.

— Erma Bombeck

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

— Herbert Hoover

“The musical equivalent of St Pancras Station. (on Elgar)”

— Thomas Beecham

“If everyone was perfect then I am pretty sure I would be perfect.”

— Brian Randleas

“As a general rule, I preferred not to have my soul reaped.”

— Rick Riordan

“We're all whores, sooner or later.”

— Carlos Ruiz Zafón

Trying to understand you is like trying to smell the color 9.

— Anonymous

“You can prick your finger ... Just don't finger your prick.”

— George Carlin

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.

— Mark Russell

“Sometimes you've gotta humor the old people.”

— Jennifer Brown

When all else fails ctrl + alt + del...

— Anonymous

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol

— Jimmy Carr

“If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess.”

— honeya

“I try not to take things lying down, especially rectal thermometers”

— Josh Stern