Humor Quotes · Page 206

“You know...acting like a dick...won't make yours any bigger.”

— J.L. McCoy

“Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Ive predominantly done comedy over the years.

— Nicky Whelan

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

— Steven Wright

I'm always amazed that people are interested in comedy.

— Bobcat Goldthwait

That's what kept us going - a sense of absurdity, rather than humor.

— Frank McCourt

“Girls are not born with a devotion to sanitation.”

— Marcia Aldrich

Laughter is life-giving. It makes you breathe.

— Kristin Chenoweth

“Eve, did you marry me for my money?" "You bet your ass. And you'd better hold on to it, or I'm history"…

— J.D. Robb

I think comedy tells a lot; you can tell what people think by what they laugh at.

— Riaad Moosa

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away from him, and…

— Anonymous

“I'd be very happy if someone remembered that there are no capitals in my name. (Sigh) cj petterson”

— Cj Petterson

“Humidity did terrible things to me. I‘d be much prettier if I lived in the desert.”

— Kim Harrington

“You've already got everything you need to succeed right in-front of your tits”

— Runa Magnus

“Berbicara soal pelet, dulu selalu berhubungan dengan bogem mentah, tetapi kini pelet hanya sebatas pakan ikan.”

— Ali Zaenal

“That was like watching my dad French-kiss a raccoon-I feel violated on so many levels.”

— Sarah Cross

“The good news about self publishing is you get to do everything yourself. The bad news about self publishing is you get…

— Lori Lesko

“They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse control. That nothing is evil. Any concept…

— chuck palahniuk

“Life makes fools of us all sooner or later. But keep your sense of humor and you'll at least be able to…

— Paul Murray

“You know, I've never asked why it doesn't offend your feminist principles for me to carry this beast for you." I look…

— Justin Gustainis

“I think crush is the perfect word to describe it, too, because it simultaneously means 'to have a brief infatuation with someone…

— Elna Baker

“It always pisses me off when I’m calling in to some Morning Zoo radio show to promote God-only-knows what—probably this book, so…

— Kathy Griffin

I grew up loving David Letterman and Pee-wee Herman, but as far as live performance comedy, all I knew were the Jerry…

— Scott Aukerman

I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny because people tell me I…

— Greg Behrendt

Comedy is the most difficult thing to do. Easily the most difficult.

— Christopher Lee

“When a man is a hero, he deserves to be sexed in the ass.”

— Eli Easton

“Physical reality is not my specialty.”

— Angelo J. Falanga

“Love means never having to shave your back.”

— Devan Sipher

Humor is an almost physiological response to fear.

— Kurt Vonnegut

Look, I had to take chances or it wasn't fun being funny.

— Mel Brooks

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

— Anonymous

“I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library.
”

— Jarod Kintz

The weasel under the cocktail cabinet.

— Harold Pinter

I lived in Amsterdam for five years doing comedy out there.

— Brendan Hunt

“Humor is to the soul, what rain is to the earth”

— Gerry Hopman

I only like sports that Bond villains played.

— Craig Ferguson

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I could never be a lesbian because I have a really good sense of humor.

— Bonnie McFarlane

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

— Rodney Dangerfield

The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

— Jimmy Carr