Bonnie McFarlane

I love my hunting dog. I loved my hunting dog - I'm not very good at hunting.

— Bonnie McFarlane

If you really are superior, you don't go around saying you're superior - unless you're Jewish.

— Bonnie McFarlane

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

— Bonnie McFarlane

I could never be a lesbian because I have a really good sense of humor.

— Bonnie McFarlane

There's no such thing as a feminist - just women who pay for their own breast implants.

— Bonnie McFarlane

Intellectually, I think everyone really knows that women are funny, but it's a weird thing that people keep trotting out.

— Bonnie McFarlane

When one door closes another door opens. Usually a refrigerator.

— Bonnie McFarlane

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby... because he's…

— Bonnie McFarlane

I saw the head of NOW - National Organization of Women - saying that women still only make 70 cents on the…

— Bonnie McFarlane

I think it's creepy if a guy says, I would never hit a girl. Cause that should go without saying. That's like…

— Bonnie McFarlane

My sister might be dumb, but that doesn't make her all that different from the rest of us. She's just like any…

— Bonnie McFarlane

Just a tip if you have a big event to go to or an important meeting, if you cry enough your face…

— Bonnie McFarlane

I've been called a racist before, and let me tell you something - that is harsh. That's a really ugly thing to…

— Bonnie McFarlane

Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to people watch. And I got to a touristy area and I play this game I…

— Bonnie McFarlane

I've always wanted to be a writer. Always been very creative. I always laughed at things that the rest of my family…

— Bonnie McFarlane

When I first got into this biz called show, I decided I was going to change my name, make it more Hollywood.…

— Bonnie McFarlane

One of my favorite sketches, and a popular comedy formula, is to put someone with a mental handicap in some kind of…

— Bonnie McFarlane

I still don't really know what my style is. I like a lot of different kinds of comedy, I like watching it…

— Bonnie McFarlane

My sister is also retarded. Across the board. She's a one hundred per cent, honest to goodness, born that way retard. I…

— Bonnie McFarlane

When you're pregnant, people feel like they can come up and give you unsolicited advice. When I was nine months pregnant, this…

— Bonnie McFarlane

It's interesting, once I have convinced people that, yes, I have a sister with a mental disability, the retard jokes really dry…

— Bonnie McFarlane

I grew up in a mixed religious household. And it was volatile. My dad's atheist, my mom's agnostic. Just constant fighting. There's…

— Bonnie McFarlane

Well I grew up in Canada in a really small town. We didn't have running water for a long time and we…

— Bonnie McFarlane

You know, women are burdened with all this other crap all the time, like looking good. You need to be really superhuman…

— Bonnie McFarlane

Cocaine is yucky. I did it once: I was at a party; I was bored. I was like, 'Alright, I'll do a…

— Bonnie McFarlane

I don't think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was…

— Bonnie McFarlane

When I first started doing stand-up, I would be so nervous that I would just binge drink really heavily right before my…

— Bonnie McFarlane

I jog, actually; I go at night. A lot of women, they don't like to go jogging alone at night. They're afraid…

— Bonnie McFarlane