Humor Quotes · Page 207

Baseball's a funny game; people mature at different times.

— Corey Seager

Laughter can bring a new perspective.

— Christopher Durang

“Don't try to be like the Guru - be yourself.”

— Art Hochberg

“Well, aren't you Mother fucking Teresa”

— J.R. Ward

“preps are like cheerleaders, except less jumpy”

— Katie Alender

A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.

— Joan Rivers

“You forget, darling. I am the local psychopath.”

— Kelley Armstrong

Determine to live life with flair and laughter.

— Maya Angelou

I don't watch that much comedy. I think it's professional jealousy. That and a lack of support for my community.

— Michael Ian Black

I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

— Natasha Leggero

“You’d be surprised what an eleven-year-old can get away with.” —Tuppence”

— Richard Due

I don't think my career would be as good if I were a serious actress. Comedy is less age-conscious.

— Jennifer Coolidge

“The good thing is Jason and I both outrank you so we can both tell you to shut up.”

— Rick Riordan

A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!

— Henny Youngman

People are like, 'How did you get so funny?' And I'm like, 'Wait, am I funny?'

— Sarah Cooper

“THIS IS A COMPLIMENT? You're incrediburgable she said which is to say You're a little like incredible but a lot more like…

— Chocolate Waters

“Whatever the unknown in Europe, it had to be better than the known in a small town, where truth was hidden behind…

— Peggy Kopman-Owens

“As Sean seem determined to shadow her every move, she concluded that young boys were much like cats. They insisted on giving…

— J.D. Robb

“How is it that I am completely naked while you haven’t shed even one stitch of clothing?” “Because you were dinner, Rebecca.”…

— Krystal Shannan

I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic…

— Elaine Stritch

“i do not eat breakfast. i never eat breakfast. I haven't eaten breakfast since I was able to walk out the back…

— David Levithan

“He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs… “Okay,” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned…

— Rick Riordan

“Homo sapiens is one of the few species on earth that care if they’re seen having sex. The impala is unconcerned. The…

— Mary Roach

“I wish the trees would go into leaf that I might find out what they are. In their present undress I cannot…

— Laura Lafargue

One does not have humor. It has you.

— Larry Gelbart

How do you make God laugh? Tell him your plans.

— Anonymous

“Golden Rule: If you like cats, you should have a bunch.”

— Jennifer McCartney

I was offered a lot of romantic and comedy films.

— Kartik Aaryan

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention.

— Anonymous

“Seriously--you've got TWENTY thingamabobs AND a snarfblat!”

— John Bytheway

“Curse you, cheap beer. Must find miso in tiny packet.”

— MCM

“I don't know how to phrase this exactly but what the fuck?”

— Lev Grossman

“Humor without sadness is just pie in the face”

— Cath Crowley

“When life gives you lemons, screw lemonade! Make orange juice!”

— annonymous

“I've gotta die of something, but I don't wanna die of it today.”

— Andrew Sturm

Fool and Stupid are funny twin brothers in the house of Mr Ignorance

— Harold Tchaiso

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour.

— Bob Newhart

To do comedy, you have to be a pretty good actor to start with.

— Robert Webb

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat

— Steven Wright

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

— Natasha Leggero