Humor Quotes · Page 164

The speed of time is one second per second.

— Anonymous

“I'll trim you babies like little lambs”

— Ken Kesey

In a relationship, maybe. Unavailable, I don't think so.

— Oketa Ojok

I loved women who weren't afraid to get ugly in their comedy.

— Natasha Rothwell

There are lots of variables in relationships and I'm not good at math.

— Emma Barthel

If I'm going to do comedy I sort of want to do my own.

— Lenny Henry

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

— William Shakespeare

“If you want to keep your dignity intact, stay away from tequila.”

— Alida Nugent

“What the fuck!” Smithie shouted. “Where did you all go? Is anyone fuckin’ there? I’m in a fuckin’ tree. Jesus fuckin’ Christ.”

— Kristen Ashley

Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

— Anonymous

If I had to perform in a comedy club I would bomb; I would be trying too hard.

— Henry Rollins

Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that.

— Bill Hicks

“You've got no sense of humor." "I'm going to laugh really hard after I kick your ass.”

— J.D. Robb

Never be afraid to stand up for what you believe in. If people get angry, you can always pretend you were just…

— John Alejandro King

“Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack”

— Josh Stern

Why do women live longer than men? Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.

— Nishan Panwar

The art of conversation consists far less in displaying much wit oneself than in helping others to be witty: the man who…

— Jean de la Bruyere

“Dave walked closer to me, his dark eyes combing my every move. "Do you always hold your guitar like that?" I dropped…

— Tara Kelly

“He wouldn't just be facing her, he thought with genuine, back-sweating fear, but all of them. The four of them, with Mrs.…

— Nora Roberts

Horace appears in good humor while he censures, and therefore his censure has the more weight, as supposed to proceed from judgment…

— Edward Young

“Fletch is back from Austin, and turns out what sounded great on paper didn't match up to reality. He says its so…

— Jen Lancaster

Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. And it helps develop a sense of humor, which is awfully important in this day and…

— Dr. Seuss

“The Produce Gem grins from half-way down the chip aisle. “And I thought the cucumber choosing was detailed.” Cash. He was watching.…

— Pella Grace

You know, comedy's hard. With drama, you have a responsibility to the emotional truth, but with comedy, you have emotional truth and…

— Julianne Moore

The last man that makes a joke owns it.

— Finley Peter Dunne

“Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.”

— Groucho Marx

Life, a beauty chased by tragic laughter.

— John Masefield

I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it.

— Jasper Johns

I think laughter comes because things are hardly working.

— Jean-Luc Godard

“He was unmistakably sipping iced tea with the hatters and the hares.”

— Tony Vigorito

Every one is witty for his owne purpose.

— George Herbert

When I do theatre in New York, I typically only get cast in comedy.

— Lauren Ashley Carter

Life is a comedy to those who think; a tragedy to those who feel.

— Jean Racine

I have done negative roles, I have done comedy, action.

— Nikitin Dheer

“In every love affair, only the moon is free of charge.”

— Lara Biyuts

I started in action, and then I went to comedy school.

— Dwayne Johnson

“Laughter is tranquilizer without side effects.”

— Trixie Koontz

He said I was unequipped to meet life because I had no sense of humor.

— Anonymous

Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.

— W. C. Fields

“World domination is just my side gig.”

— Tanjlisa Marie