Humor Quotes · Page 163

As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.

— Kristen Schaal

His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

— Steven Wright

“Mouse isn't big. He's compactly challenged.”

— Jim Butcher

There is a fine line between what is funny and disrespectful.

— Zendaya Coleman

“I'm scared David" "That's good, because there's lots to be afraid of”

— David Wong

“Dating apps are slot machines for your genitals.”

— Brad Deep

In sketch comedy, wear your character like a hat, not a suit of armor.

— Andy Daly

Humor enables us to deal with and overcome many of the most painful and difficult situations in our lives.

— Frederick Lenz

“To laugh is to dare, because laughter dares fate and sorrow and the weight of all injustices.”

— Sara Douglass

I have a T-shirt that says, Plays Well With Self. It suits me (or at least the top half).

— Rock Cowles

I'm still waiting for the, 'Once you go black, you never go back.' episode on Mythbusters.

— Anonymous

“Everybody! This is my cousin right here, and he just dethroned God's gift to Women - Griffin”

— S.C. Stephens

“I love that there's such a rivalry. It's like, leaf water versus bean water, ya know?”

— Robyn Schneider

Since the very beginning, Emeril's had a sense of humor about me calling him names and poking fun at him.

— Anthony Bourdain

“I don't believe in past,I don't believe in future,I just believe in present.”

— Abhishek Chaudhary

“The narrow-minded find it convenient to create stereotypes, and then try to fit everybody, everything and every situation into those stereotypes.”

— Janvier Chouteu-Chando

A good cartoon is always good on two or three levels: surface physical comedy, some intellectual stuff - like Warner Brothers cartoons'…

— Genndy Tartakovsky

“There really is no sense in pretending to be normal. Just be you because the moment you do, weirder things happen. Crazy…

— Shannon L. Alder

“Abby wouldn't want you to suffer because of some jerk that kidnapped her. She would want you to go on your trip…

— Ottilie Weber

I remember certain people in the audience laughing and I wanted to ask: 'What are you laughing at? This isn't funny.' Now…

— Jim Dale

I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason…

— Sloane Crosley

“I don’t think that God cares about what you think. It’s the actions that count. Actually He doesn’t care what you do…

— Art Hochberg

“Ares sighed "What are the three words said most often in our house?" "Not tonight, Ares?" Than offered. "Funny," Ares growled. "Cara…

— Larissa Ione

“You always need right moves, wheather it's life or romance..”

— BHARAT SHARMA

I'd rather leave my house without pants than without my phone.

— Hussein Nishah

Do you know me, my lord?' Excellent well. You are a fishmonger.

— William Shakespeare

I thought that unless people know me, they wouldn't find me funny.

— Heather McDonald

“Druids always pick the hard way; it encourages natural selection.”

— Rich Burlew

Incongruity is the mainspring of laughter.

— Max Beerbohm

“Irony is the sense of humor of fate.”

— Twila Vernon

Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.

— Jerry Coleman

“But we’re assassins: when we make mistakes, people live”

— Steven Brust

Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.

— Bob Hope

Stupidity is also a gift from God, but one musnt misuse it.

— Pope John Paul II

“Dear God,how can I live a vanilla life when I'm a strawberry girl?”

— Lorna Seilstad

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.

— Charlie Chaplin

Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.

— Colin Quinn

Don't let your mind stop you from having a good time.

— Jason Mraz

“Everyone wants a piece of you. The trick is what piece to give.”

— Solange nicole