Humor Quotes · Page 135

“Can a hermaphrodite be a cross-dresser?”

— Harlowe Pilgrim

God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.

— Garrison Keillor

“I don't have a hot date. I don't even have a lukewarm date.”

— Sarah Morgan

“If you are too lazy to plow, don't expect a harvest. .”

— Proverbs 20:4

“Don't take life seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.”

— Albert Hubbard

I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh

— Zach Braff

“Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.”

— Eugene Mirman

The things that matter most are not things.

— Art Buchwald

“What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding in an hour.”

— John Green

I know nothing about love and romance, so I prefer to stick to just comedy.

— Sandra Bullock

“Boomerang arrow, Kate -- It comes back to you in the end. Boomerang. Respect it.”

— Matt Fraction (Author

I think humor is the best gift, and if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

— Cameron Diaz

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I…

— Tim Vine

“Darlin I am sorry, please. No Knox, get out! you know what they say about apologies? No, They are better said with…

— Elizabeth Kelly

“If you tell me the truth, the truth I’ll proclaim. If you tell me a lie, you’ll be fair game.”

— Belva Rae Staples

“He was a natural Protestant when I met him.", Em would say. "He protested everything.”

— Jerry Pinto

“THOMASINA: But then the Egyptian noodle made carnal embrace with the enemy who burned the great library of Alexandria without so much…

— Tom Stoppard

“Get out of here. Yoda so does not have an English accent!' 'Other than that you're saying I'm a dead ringer?' 'If…

— Joss Stirling

“This first part may be a little rough.' He waved a hand and did his best to appear as if he'd had…

— Michael Pryor

When I do watch things, they tend to be a lot of comedies. I actually like some of the British comedy series.…

— Lucy Griffiths

“Smalls, my parents' house is pretty big. The odds are more in favor of a burglar sneaking around than your boy-boy. I…

— Cole Gibsen

“6. Sleep with a bra on every night in fear of your boobs dropping should you forget. Intermediate: Don't wear a bra…

— Tupelo Hassman

I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know…

— Jackie Mason

Laughter would appear to be a physical reflex, although even if it is, this still leaves unanswered the question of why the…

— Steve Allen

I don't hold any candle for drama versus comedy.

— Jo Brand

“If dreams can't come true, then why not pretend?”

— Patrick McHale

A dimwit thinks nothing is funny unless it's mean.

— Stephen King

Knowing comedy is knowing human nature.

— Patton Oswalt

I'm just a comedian. That's all I am. If you find me funny, good.

— Alan Carr

“Every day, each day is the most important day of your life.”

— Art Hochberg

Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

— Anonymous

“The sun will always rise, but we may never know”

— Aprl Ray

Roy Hibbert thinks it's funny to mess with me.

— Larry Nance, Jr

I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.

— Mitch Hedberg

Every time I make a plan, God laughs at me.

— Jason Isaacs

Let there be more joy and laughter in your living.

— Eileen Caddy

Flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

— Douglas Adams

“I'm not bitter, just not stirred well!”

— Vaibhav Wadhwa

We interrupt this relationship to bring you football season.

— Anonymous

A slut is like an elevator; a lot of people go in

— Amit Verma