Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Fats - very funny man, but every note that he played was like a pearl. — Cecil Taylor Copy Share Image
Ever looked back at your ex and asked yourself was I drunk the entire relationship? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some ladies who play hard to get will eventually pray hard to get a husband. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Get comfortable with the idea that you won’t know what’s good until it’s already happened. — Jad Abumrad Copy Share Image
We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I'm not someone who shies away from darkness being funny. I think that life is very dark at times, and there are… — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
“What the hell happened to your leg?" Ang asked him. Matt looked down at his shin, which was scraped and oozing and… — Marie Sexton Copy Share Image
So why dont you start studying her heart and stop studying her booty, or maybe invest the same amount of time on… — Ana Copy Share Image
People are too afraid of uptown. A lot of people will tell you, like, "Don't go to Harlem. You can never go… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Girls, you know it's all just a game to them, relationships. Just go around stomping on everyone… I mean, look at this… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something… — Johnny Depp Copy Share Image
Its funny because Im playing a dad in some scenes in Breaking Dawn and Im portraying one in a movie Im doing… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
You know when a company wants to use letters in their phone number, but often they'll use too many letters? "Call 1-800-I-Really-Enjoy-Brand-New-Carpeting."… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
