Car Quote by Steven Wright

“I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.”

Steven Wright

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More by Steven Wright

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Steven Wright

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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…

Steven Wright

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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…

Steven Wright

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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

Steven Wright

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Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.

Steven Wright

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I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

Steven Wright

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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…

Steven Wright

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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…

Steven Wright

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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…

Steven Wright

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“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

Steven Wright

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When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…

Steven Wright

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I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

Steven Wright

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If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.

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I understand that it's the music that keeps me alive... That's my lifeblood. And to give that up for, like, the TV, the cars, the houses - that's not the American dream. That's the booby prize, in the end. Those are the booby prizes. And if you fall for them - if, when you achieve them, you believe that this…

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My embarrassing confession is that my father is a 'Camelot: The Musical' obsessive. So as a child, when we were going to visit relatives…

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I don't own designer clothes, or a sports car, or a huge house, but I am seeing the world, experiencing amazing things, and I…

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Television, radio, social media. The 24/7 news cycle plows forward mercilessly on our desks, in our cars and in our pockets. Thousands and thousands…

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I don't own a yacht or a flashy car. I've always had safe cars because I do so much driving. I don't think I've…

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I am a horrible visual artist. I can't fix a car, sew, knit, cook, etc. Statistically, there is more I don't do than do.

Carrie Brownstein

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I mean, you've kind of got the track down, especially with ovals. The only thing that improves is that when race conditions come, you…

Danica Patrick

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I was with Dre when he was just selling tapes. He didn't have a car, a license or a job.

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'Melanin Man' was inspired by the words of an Uber driver in L.A. Before I got out of the car he said, 'They're scared of you young man. You're a king and they all know it. They want your culture, your soulful element and your style. You're Melanin Man, a super hero. Be safe out here.' Then I got out…

Masego

The things that don't happen to us that we'll never know didn't happen to us. The nonstories. The extra minute to find the briefcase that makes you late to the spot where a tractor trailer mauled another car instead of yours. The woman you didn't meet because she couldn't get a taxi to the party you had to leave early…

Anita Shreve

“I hate the way you talk to me And the way you cut your hair I hate the way you drive my car I hate it when you stare I hate your big dumb combat boots And the way you read my mind I hate you so much, that it makes me sick And even makes me rhyme I hate…

David Levithan

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