Comedy Quotes by Steven Wright

I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.

— Steven Wright

Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.

— Steven Wright

I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting…

— Steven Wright

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.

— Steven Wright

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.

— Steven Wright

I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.

— Steven Wright

To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life.

— Steven Wright

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

— Steven Wright

I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing…

— Steven Wright

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still…

— Steven Wright

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are…

— Steven Wright

What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to…

— Steven Wright

Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money.…

— Steven Wright

Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion…

— Steven Wright

I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I…

— Steven Wright

I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got…

— Steven Wright

It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to…

— Steven Wright

I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing…

— Steven Wright

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

— Steven Wright

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.

— Steven Wright

I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm…

— Steven Wright